How to help kids overcome bullying?

IN spite of all of the debate and awareness around the issue, one out of every four children in our country is still being bullied by other kids at school. What can we do as parents to help our children when they find themselves the target of another kid’s cruelty or physical aggression?

Bullying is another form of abuse. It’s about kids using power to control other kids, sometimes with the intention to cause harm. Being bullied is hurtful and humiliating. It’s not an accident or joke, it’s a repetitive action that happens to a designated person or group over a period of time.

Social networking and cellphones allow kids to be bullied 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and their humiliation is often widespread and long-lasting. The difference between the bullying that happened during our childhoods and what’s going on now? Today’s kids can’t get away from it.

Is your child being bullied?

Most kids are not going to come home and tell you that they are being bullied. In fact, many won’t say anything.

Your child might feel ashamed or worried that they are to blame somehow, and they become experts at keeping it all inside. What are the signs you need to know as a parent?

● Reluctance to go to school or to get on the computer.

● Your child’s mood changes after looking at their cell phone or going on Facebook.

● Your child may not want to get on the school bus; begs you for rides to school every day.

● Is frequently sick, with headaches and sleeping problems — and often wants to stay home from school.

● You might notice damaged or missing belongings, or that your child keeps losing money or other valuable items.

● Unexplained injuries or bruises.

● Your child doesn’t seem to be eating his lunch—he comes home unusually hungry, or his lunch comes back home with him.

● He might be moody, anxious, depressed, or withdrawn.

While exhibiting one or more of these signs might not necessarily mean that your child is being bullied, these are important things to pay attention to if you suspect something is going on.

What should parents do?

What can—or should—you do if your child is being bullied? Whether your child tells you outright that he’s being bullied at school or you simply suspect it, you need to listen to what he has to say around this subject, take him seriously, and empathize calmly. Support him by assuring him that what’s happening is wrong, and let him know he has a legitimate right and a responsibility to put a stop to any kind of harmful behaviour that goes on — and that you will get him some help with the problem.

When you find out your child is being bullied, you naturally feel anxious, upset and angry.

Your first reaction is not always going to be the most effective way to handle the situation, though, because it’s probably coming from emotion and not from a calm, objective place—which is where you want to be when you talk with your child.