He has a small ‘gun’!

I AM 26 years old and have been with the same girl for three years. It used to be a long-distance relationship, but now we live together. It has been stressful as we are both working and studying. So we very rarely have sex.

At a young age, you are experiencing the types of problems more commonly faced by older people in long-term relationships. You have learned early on that the challenges of daily life can have a sobering effect on sex and romance. But cohabitation is an adult step in which partners can learn what it is like to be together and how well they manage the necessary give and take. Stress can have a profound effect on sexual desire and arousal, and requires prevention and management. This is probably your greatest joint challenge. But it sounds as if you are disappointed that things between you are not idyllic, or at least occasionally pleasurable and exciting. You do not have to have these feelings of malaise and disappointment for ever, but it is important to explore and address them with energy and empathy, and without blame. Sit down with your partner and tell her all the positive feelings you have for her. Then ask: “What about you? What’s working for you, and what is not?” Creating a safe atmosphere to openly and nondefensively discuss sexual and relationship issues is essential in terms of longevity as a couple.

Ever since I discovered that my wife was cheating on me I am struggling to find her sexually attractive. I have no desire to have sex with her. Reply The discovery of your wife’s cheating has destroyed not only your positive sense of coupledom with her, but also your somewhat idealised notion of her. I do not suggest that this will be an easy process, and you are already experiencing the longing and pain that accompanies such drastic and sudden shifts in a person’s conceptualisation of his love. But that pain usually leads to growth and important discoveries. True intimacy involves seeing your partner for who she truly is, so perhaps a less idealistic view of her will improve things between you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable in her presence, and try to express your true feelings, no matter how difficult it is. It is also important to recognise your role in helping to create a fragile union in the first place. Be kind to both of you, do the work and learn.

I have been hurt a lot but now I am with a loving man but he has a small penis. He can get an erection and we are able to have penetrative sex, but I often feel little to nothing, although he is a sensitive lover in other ways. I am full of regret that, if this is to be my life partner, I might never be able to enjoy penetrative sex in quite the same way again. Reply Regarding relationships, what exactly is your goal? Is it to find the perfect person, or the perfect penis? Would you accept my word for the fact that neither exists? Your search for complete and utter satisfaction on every scale is likely to lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction and regret. True, intimacy and wonderfully loving human connections are partly defined by the ability of each person to see and accept the “failings” of the other, and to accept and share one’s own shortcomings. You are at an early stage in this new relationship, but rejecting an otherwise “wonderful” man on the basis of his penis size may be very unwise, especially since he is a fulfilling lover in non-penetrative ways. Most nerve endings that help trigger pleasure and orgasm are in a woman’s clitoris, not the vagina and over time, needs and bodies change, and desire waxes and wanes. When judging a partner’s ability to be satisfying in the long run, the only reliable benchmark is his willingness to learn to please you.

I am a 24-year-old man, and a virgin. There have been plenty of opportunities to have sex, but every time I get into bed with a woman I can’t get or maintain an erection. My fear of not being able to perform has led to me avoiding sex altogether. I feel like a total failure, especially around my friends, who are far more sexually experienced than I am. — Help. Reply Change your focus. Right now you are being driven by a desire to lose your virginity, but such pressure — coupled with self-loathing — often leads to erectile dysfunction. Instead of viewing women as a means to an end, approach them with the intention of simply dating — getting to know them and having fun. If you find someone you really like, allow things to develop really slowly. First, start sharing non-genital erotic touches, words, looks and games. These will occur naturally once you lower the expectations you have placed on yourself. Move to a higher level of intimacy only when your body and mind strongly guide you. Sex is a learned experience, so yes, you will have to accept that it takes time, and that every lover will be different. Talk to your partner, ask for feedback, listen and learn. SOULMATES I am a 35-year-old man who is gainfully employed. I am based in Bulawayo. I am looking for a woman aged 33 to 42 who wants to be in a relationship.

I’m looking for love, I am a good-looking professional man who is aged 27 from Bulawayo, and gainfully employed. I am looking for a beautiful lady aged 19-24 with a nice body and a lovely personality.

I am looking for a cute, big girl from Bulawayo, I am 25. She must be 18-26.

I am looking for love. I am a man aged 21. I am looking for a lady to marry aged 18 -20.

I am looking for love. I stay in Bulawayo in Magwegwe West. I am 21 years old. I am a second-year student pursuing a Diploma in Social Work. I am HIV-negative.

Age: 33, marital status: single, occupation: geological technician. HIV-negative, last tested mid-May. I am from Bulawayo but working in Harare so I don’t mind being connected to someone in Harare. She must be mature.

I am a guy aged 23. I reside in Cowdray Park; I would love to have a lady aged between 18 and 20. I am a sales rep.

I am guy aged 23 from Bulawayo. I am HIV-negative and I am a student. I need a beautiful lady with a good heart.

I am a 29-year-old gentleman based in Bulawayo, currently working and studying. I am HIV-negative and searching for a lady who is ready for a serious relationship.

I am a 30-year-old man from Bulawayo, HIV-negative, looking for a lady for a serious relationship; I am an artisan by profession.

I am aged 26 and I am an HIV-negative man and civil servant based in Hwange looking for a woman to date.

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