My dad hired pros­ti­tutes for me!

Sunday News (Zimbabwe) - - Front Page -

Send your sms to 0773111328 or 0772115830 or write to Sis Noe, Sun­day News, Box 585, Bu­l­awayo. You can also fol­low Sis Noe on http://sis­noe. Hi Sis Noe

MY wife now loves go­ing to the gym and every morn­ing she jogs. She is now com­plain­ing that I am not fit and unattrac­tive. Now she rarely sleeps with me to force me to ex­er­cise. I don’t want to go to the gym and worse if my wife wants to force me to. — Help.


I am go­ing to be harsh here — you are a man so I’m sure you can take it. Has it crossed your mind that the rea­son you are not hav­ing sex any more is not be­cause your wife is at the gym, but be­cause you have be­come an unattrac­tive lump sprawled on the sofa? It sounds to me as if your wife is try­ing to tell you some­thing and, if you con­tinue to ig­nore her, she may well start talk­ing to some­one else. Gyms don’t just con­tain mid­dle-aged chub­sters mak­ing a fool of them­selves in aer­o­bics classes, they are also full of gor­geous healthy spec­i­mens of man­hood. I hate ex­er­cise and go­ing to the gym, but the con­se­quences of not go­ing are, for me, even worse. Be­ing nagged may be an­noy­ing, but be­ing dumped is dev­as­tat­ing. Go to the gym and sweat a river, the sex will fol­low.

Hi Sis Noe

I am sin­gle and be­ing pur­sued by my ex-boyfriend. We didn’t break up be­cause he did some­thing but be­cause our sex life was pa­thetic. We used to have sex just once a month. Be­sides that he was great. He did ev­ery­thing I wanted and he treated me like a queen. I don’t know whether I should go back to such a man. Sex is im­por­tant to me. — Wor­ried.


It seems to me that you have al­ready made your de­ci­sion and this ex is stay­ing an ex. Just be­fore you do start look­ing at all those other fish in the sea, let me ask a few ques­tions. Have you ever ac­tu­ally told this man, who you re­ally like and fancy, that you have a prob­lem with his li­bido? If he is truly fab­u­lous, maybe it would be worth see­ing a spe­cial­ist coun­sel­lor. On the other hand, there are few things more hu­mil­i­at­ing than hav­ing to talk some­one into hav­ing sex with you. It’s very hard to keep the pas­sion burn­ing when you feel your part­ner is do­ing you a favour. Who­ever you go out with, things will even­tu­ally end up with more of an em­pha­sis on com­pan­ion­ship than crazy nights in the bed­room, but I sup­pose you don’t want to face that re­al­ity im­me­di­ately. Fair enough. Balanc­ing a love life with a life of love is not easy for any cou­ple and I am sure many peo­ple read­ing your let­ter will be scream­ing at you to grab this man with both hands, but the point is that you are not ready. If you are not com­pletely cer­tain then leave this man’s heart alone. I just hope that by the time you are happy to set­tle for evenings of snug­gles and hand-hold­ing there is a hand out there to hold.

Hi Sis Noe

I was abused as a child by my father. He used to hire pros­ti­tutes for me when I was a teenager. And they did things to me that give me night­mares up to now. When I told him I don’t like it he said they were mak­ing me a man. Now I have a good job, I am mar­ried, I have a fam­ily and I moved far away from him to Bu­l­awayo. He is in Kariba. I have not seen him in years but re­cently he called me and it brought back the night­mares. Should I re­port him? — Wor­ried. Re­ply

The way your father treated you was to­tally wrong: that is not how fathers should treat their sons. What you en­dured was in­hu­mane, abu­sive and hor­ri­bly cruel. To have ex­pe­ri­enced what you did at such a young age was truly trau­matic. And yet there you are in your let­ter, telling me about the good things in your life now that’s an ex­tra­or­di­nary tes­ta­ment to your spirit and per­son­al­ity. You want to re­port your father for what he did to you that is okay. But while I do not want to dis­cour­age you from do­ing so, I also do not want you and your fam­ily to suf­fer un­nec­es­sary trauma. Peo­ple do make com­plaints about his­tor­i­cal child­hood abuse and get res­o­lu­tion. Many feel val­i­dated and lis­tened to, of­ten for the first time. Some go to trial, some don’t. Past or cur­rent abuse is in­ves­ti­gated by spe­cial­ist trained of­fi­cers and you would be of­fered sup­port. There are var­i­ous op­tions to con­sider so you can make an in­formed choice that works for you. You may think it’s your word against his but you could also be sur­prised what ev­i­dence there might be and what comes out when some­thing is in­ves­ti­gated. It’s not your job to pro­vide ev­i­dence, but for the po­lice to look into. As I hinted you can let sleep­ing dogs lie or you could pur­sue the is­sue but if I was you I would seek pro­fes­sional coun­selling and move on with my life.

Hi Sis Noe

I have been in love with a man who cheats on me a lot but I can’t break up with him. He treats me well, he show­ers me with gifts but he is a se­rial cheat. He tells me to be pa­tient with him be­cause he will even­tu­ally change. — Cheated. Re­ply

I won­der what you want me to say — that, de­spite ev­ery­thing, this ex­cit­ing feel­ing he gives you is worth it — you know it is not. The rea­son he still makes you feel like this, af­ter all this time, is be­cause you never know where you stand with him. It is a feel­ing of hope, not a sign of a soul mate. You seem ter­ri­bly kind, you want to say the right thing, and you want to be fair: but I think you need to start get­ting an­gry. Is this man a bad per­son? Prob­a­bly not wholly, which is what makes him so at­trac­tive: you keep try­ing to sieve out the good bits, the gold among the silt, but it is not enough, is it? What is clear is that he is not a good part­ner and he makes a mess wher­ever he goes. Don’t be the per­son to clean up af­ter him. Run for the hills while you still can.

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