No, to be­ing a ser­vice provider

Sunday News (Zimbabwe) - - Front Page -

EV­ERY­ONE dreams of hav­ing a part­ner who is loyal and one who un­der­stands him the most. How­ever, some­times you get car­ried away by some­one’s flat­tery words or ges­tures and tend to be­lieve they love you self­lessly.

With the pas­sage of time, they re­veal their true colours but you will be lov­ing them blindly and fail­ing to no­tice that their love is not gen­uine and that they are just us­ing you for their own self­ish needs. They turn you into a ser­vice provider, stick­ing to you for cer­tain rea­sons, not love.

It hurts to dis­cover af­ter a long time that you were just a ser­vice provider and noth­ing else!

I have never un­der­stood peo­ple who got rea­sons for be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship. All I know is that love is never meant to have a rea­son, at all. If you look at the per­son you are with and you have rea­sons for be­ing with them, you don’t love them at all. You are in the wrong re­la­tion­ship and most prob­a­bly that per­son is just your ser­vice provider.

At the end some­one will have a heart­break. You are meant to be with some­one you just love. Love doesn’t come with a warn­ing or a dis­claimer. It doesn’t come with a rhyme or rea­son. It is not some­thing you can quan­tify, cal­cu­late or even con­trol. It just hap­pens!

It is un­for­tu­nate that some peo­ple be­come love struck to even no­tice that they are be­ing used. At some point, they re­alise that some­thing is amiss, but fail to no­tice the miss­ing link. It’s not easy to no­tice that you are a ser­vice provider be­cause you will be think­ing you are do­ing things out of love while you are be­ing used.

A re­la­tion­ship must never be one-sided. The prob­lem is that the other party will get stressed and frus­trated as he would not get the deeper con­nec­tion and love from her part­ner. The ac­tions of cou­ples who are re­ally in love with each other are dras­ti­cally dif­fer­ent from cou­ples who are just to­gether out of some form of need.

Some­times you en­ter into a re­la­tion­ship re­ally ex­cited about your part­ner only to find out months (or even years) down the line that you were be­ing used. It re­ally hurts to dis­cover that the per­son whom you had come to be­lieve that he/ she is the one, was just tak­ing you for a ride.

Some men are just in re­la­tion­ships to have sex. The only time they get to be se­ri­ous is when they want to sex­u­ally sat­isfy them­selves and there­after they dis­ap­pear. Most times the woman who would have been turned into a sex provider, no­tices the bad be­hav­iour, but fails to let go as she will be in love. Fi­nally when she be­comes hon­est to her­self and ac­cepts that she is be­ing used, it leaves her heart­bro­ken.

At the same time, there are women who just need money and to be taken out for shop­ping and hol­i­days. They have turned some men into ser­vice providers. The un­for­tu­nate thing is that those who have once been vic­tims, they later be­come stingy and ir­re­spon­si­ble men in re­la­tion­ships re­sult­ing in the suf­fer­ing of their part­ners.

Ac­tu­ally where there is real love, the part­ners pay at­ten­tion to each other even in the tini­est of things. Those who are in love stay en­gaged and make it a point to ac­knowl­edge their part­ners when­ever pos­si­ble. Even when they are stressed they still do ev­ery­thing in their power to be in the mo­ment with one an­other and to help their part­ner be in the mo­ment, too. There is no such thing as cut­ting ties be­cause the other party is stressed! Cou­ples who are to­gether out of con­ve­nience don’t nec­es­sar­ily make it a point to do that. In some cases, they may not even get too both­ered if their part­ner isn’t very re­spon­sive. They are more likely to write it off as some­thing their part­ner usu­ally does.

When you are re­ally in love with some­one, you want to make them happy. That typ­i­cally be­comes more of a pri­or­ity than just about any­thing else. In or­der to do that, you will be ex­tra at­ten­tive to the de­tail you might be prone to for­get.

When you are in love and want to be with some­one, you are go­ing to make time for them no mat­ter how crazy your life is at the mo­ment. They look for­ward to shared ex­pe­ri­ences, have less trou­ble sup­port­ing each other and con­sider their part­ner’s de­sires and needs. It’s all about hap­pily mesh­ing your life with an­other per­son’s, not pro­vid­ing your ser­vices.

When you live par­al­lel lives, spend less time to­gether and al­ways find re­lief when you are apart then know one of you is a ser­vice provider in the re­la­tion­ship. Never be in a re­la­tion­ship for the safety blan­ket it of­fers.

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