Who makes these rules that only women must ad­here to?

Sunday News (Zimbabwe) - - Front Page -

Dear woman

IN this part of the world, a woman is ex­pected to com­pro­mise in re­la­tion­ships even if she’s dy­ing. Peo­ple are al­ways quick to tell a woman to dumb down her­self for a man for her re­la­tion­ship to work.

Women are told to act hum­ble so that they can get hus­bands to marry them even if these men are noth­ing close to hu­mil­ity. I don’t know who made these rules that only women must ad­here to. This is why many women are crum­bling un­der the weight of bad re­la­tion­ships and mar­riages be­cause they are mak­ing un­nec­es­sary com­pro­mises just to keep men who bring them noth­ing but headaches and heartaches.

As a woman, you are told to act un­in­tel­li­gent and re­frain from air­ing your views so that you won’t chase away hus­band ma­te­rial. Lit­tle won­der many women are en­dur­ing bad re­la­tion­ships with badly be­haved and ir­re­spon­si­ble men be­cause they are fol­low­ing what so­ci­ety tells them to do.

Dear woman, stop. Stop mak­ing com­pro­mises for men who don’t care about your san­ity, peace and heart. Stop mak­ing re­la­tion­ship com­pro­mises that won’t ben­e­fit you in the long run. You are not a beast of bur­den, stop suf­fer­ing un­nec­es­sar­ily be­cause of men who don’t know how to love or what it takes to be in a lov­ing re­la­tion­ship.

In an ideal re­la­tion­ship, com­pro­mise helps cou­ples to deal with each other’s dif­fer­ences with­out chang­ing who they are. They are those things you do so that you can be on the same page with your part­ner in your re­la­tion­ship.

There are com­pro­mises you make daily that make you flex­i­ble to ac­com­mo­date your part­ner’s pref­er­ences too. But there are big­ger com­pro­mises no woman should make in re­la­tion­ships be­cause of a man or be­cause she wants to save her re­la­tion­ship.

It is im­por­tant not to al­low so­ci­ety to trick you into mak­ing un­healthy com­pro­mises just to keep a man. As a woman, you should com­pro­mise in a re­la­tion­ship with­out chang­ing your­self. It is sad that some com­pro­mises only take away your hap­pi­ness and bring noth­ing, ex­cept sor­row.

No mat­ter how much you love a man, don’t com­pro­mise your­self worth for any re­la­tion­ship. A woman should be treated with love and re­spect by her man. He should stay by her side through good and bad times. Dear woman, don’t ac­cept ver­bal, emo­tional and phys­i­cal abuse in your re­la­tion­ship. Un­healthy com­mu­ni­ca­tion can be se­ri­ously dam­ag­ing to your self-es­teem.

If you want to live a ful­filled life as a woman, don’t com­pro­mise your life’s dreams and goals for a man. A woman needs to go af­ter her dreams and goals with pas­sion. Your man should sup­port your goals and sup­port you in pur­su­ing them.

Any man who tries to keep you from see­ing your fam­ily and friends is a po­ten­tial abuser. While his pos­ses­sive­ness may make you feel wanted and spe­cial in the be­gin­ning, it can also be a red flag of things to come later in the re­la­tion­ship. You need your fam­ily and friends in life and not only a boyfriend or a hus­band.

Your core val­ues de­pict who you are at your very soul, don’t com­pro­mise this for any re­la­tion­ship or mar­riage. Your man should re­spect your life val­ues and not ex­pect you to throw them away be­cause of him. You don’t have to stop be­ing who you are or stop be­liev­ing in your val­ues be­cause of a man.

If you are used to liv­ing your life in a cer­tain way, your part­ner shouldn’t de­mand you give up your life­style just so you can be with him. Com­pro­mis­ing the way you live your life for a man will make you mis­er­able. There’s no use wast­ing your time with him if your life vi­sion doesn’t align. Stop lis­ten­ing to peo­ple who love to suf­fer.

You don’t need a man who makes you go against your life’s prin­ci­ples. Don’t com­pro­mise your prin­ci­ples for any man. Don’t put up with any­thing un­less you are gen­uinely okay with it.

Ladies, don’t give up your fi­nan­cial se­cu­rity for a man. Any man that wants to fi­nan­cially crip­ple you is an en­emy of progress. Open your eyes on time. And if he doesn’t want you to be fi­nan­cially em­pow­ered, claim­ing that you won’t be a sub­mis­sive wife if you have money, he’s an en­emy of progress. Any man who doesn’t want his woman to make money is a po­ten­tial abuser.

You don’t have to com­pro­mise your body and womb by com­mit­ting se­ries of abor­tions for that man you are dat­ing. He re­fuses to use con­doms dur­ing sex, yet when­ever you end up preg­nant, he tells you to com­mit an abor­tion with­out blink­ing. Use your brain, he doesn’t love you.

As a woman, hav­ing com­mu­ni­ca­tion com­pat­i­bil­ity is very im­por­tant in your re­la­tion­ship. You don’t have to be putting up with a man who doesn’t com­mu­ni­cate with you and one you don’t know what he’s think­ing and feel­ing.

Men should learn to make re­la­tion­ship com­pro­mises too. They are not im­mune to work­ing to make their re­la­tion­ships work. It is not the duty of women alone to make com­pro­mises for their re­la­tion­ships. It takes two to make a re­la­tion­ship work.

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