No need to hurry
RUSHING into a relationship is always a mistake!
When you are heartbroken, the temptation to drown your sorrows by getting a new replacement as quickly as possible usually comes as the best solution. But diving into another relationship too soon after heartbreak is deadly, it is just temporary and never solves the problem.
Of course meeting someone who makes you feel alive and loved is very exciting. You may think no one has ever made you feel like this and you can’t help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many relationships start this way. But sadly those involved don’t take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious.
Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they spring up. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship.
It is characterised by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.
It is unfortunate that no one can cheat heartbreak. When you are hurting, you are hurting. There aren’t any short-cuts or secrets to just stop feeling it. There’s a certain amount of pain created by every breakup and you need to feel every bit of it until you feel better.
It is always wise to take time to heal before moving on. When you are heartbroken, in most cases you will not be at your best and therefore not fit to make final decisions. We have had situations where people live to regret after making some lifetime mistakes.
For instance, a woman impregnated by someone whom she never loved, but it all happened after he gave her some attention when she had been disappointed or was heartbroken.
Jumping into a relationship before dealing with your heartbreak is just as good as drinking beer when you are stressed. All you do is put the pain on hold, but it doesn’t go away, it waits until you are vulnerable and creeps back in, but stronger, because you ignored it for a while.
The new relationship will be hit by stunted growth as you will not be your original self. At that time, you do not have the usual protective skin that you normally would and that’s the stuff that keeps you from freaking out. Because you have your own pending issues, you at times have misunderstandings over small issues. You are still hurting from your heartbreak and so you can be very sensitive.
Since you are essentially just trying to run from your pain, you are going to need someone to run fast to keep up with you. That means you will come off as needy, wanting to see someone a lot, or talk on the phone several times a day. Being left alone too long lets the pain sneak in. Your life comes to revolve around that person and unfortunately on your side you mistake that for love. You just can’t see someone for who they really are when you are still heartbroken over someone else. You are in a fog. Your perspective is cloudy. New people don’t get a real chance.
You have to be selfish to get over heartbreak. You have to dedicate all of your healing energy to yourself so you can’t really be there for someone new who may need your comfort or support for anything.
If you are still angry with your ex, you could accidentally project some of that anger onto new partners. Since they are still in your system, you see them in everyone else. Then new partners will just think you have anger issues.
Since your protective layer is all gone, new letdowns hurt more than they typically would. If a new date you like doesn’t want to see you again, it will hurt ten times as bad as it would if you weren’t still heartbroken over the last partner.
Your last relationship, however, it ended deserves a mourning period. You can’t just discard relationships as if they never happened, just because you don’t like the way they ended. It’s important for your psyche to mourn.
You probably still have some important lessons to learn from your last relationship — lessons that will enhance your chances of finding a better relationship next time. But you need alone time to really think about those. If you don’t take that time, you could repeat your mistakes.
It’s really important to be alone in between relationships so that you remind yourself that you can be alone. It may not be fun but, it won’t kill you. If you don’t show yourself that, you can develop serious codependency issues because you will fear that being alone will kill you.
WhatsApp your comments to 0712978471