My husband loves his mother too much

I WORK with my man and we spend most of our time at work as our jobs are very demanding. We tend to argue a lot but we love each other very much and we have a great sex life and we don’t contemplate breaking up. The problem is that we fight a lot.

Reply

We tend to take out our frustrations on those closest to us, but it can be so destructive. If you can sort this out now and change your style of arguing you are much more likely to last in the long term. At the moment, you sound like a couple of wild animals ready to pounce on each other. You are both afraid that the other one is going to attack — that is say something that you don’t like — so one of you jumps in first. Then the other person retaliates. The result is that you are both so tense that neither of you is really listening to the other. Gently explain this to your partner and agree that rather than leaping in for the kill you will each take a step back and really listen to what the other person has to say. Avoid accusing each other of being unreasonable, difficult or unfair and don’t rake up old sins from the past.

I have a problem of loving early and having sex on the first date and as a result most men I date leave me and move on to someone. The problem is that recently I met a guy I like so much but I refused to have sex with him on the first date and now he is ignoring me. I bumped into him in town and asked why he was avoiding me and he said because I disappointed him as he expected more.

Reply

What did he mean exactly when he said he “expected more” from you? It sounds as though he perhaps knows that you have slept with other men on a first date and was angry or disappointed that you didn’t do the same for him. I could go on about double standards and how unfair this is, but ultimately, what matters here is that he may not be what you want in a man, he sounds like a creep. Forget him. In future, don’t have sex simply because you feel a man expects it or that you need to please him. Relationships started slowly tend

to be the ones that last.

I am always fighting with my wife but I don’t want to. What can I do to put a stop to these fights? — Worried.

Reply

It takes hard work for a marriage to function. Marriage is an effort, if you fail to work at it, it will suffer. You need to talk about your problems in a non-accusatory tone. Do not point fingers because you are both wrong, you both have faults and it is those faults that are making you fight. Tell your wife that you don’t want to lose her because of the fighting. You need to learn to compromise. You and your wife need to learn to respect each other. When she says something that might lead to an argument just agree with her or keep quiet and raise the issue later calmly. But it will be impossible for you not to argue now and then.

My husband loves his mother too much and is always there for her even for small things. I am not jealous or what but at times I feel it is too much.

Reply

I think when a man is married he should love his wife but that does not mean that he belongs to his wife totally because had it not been for his mother, his wife would not have him. I like the way your husband treats his mother. Anything he wants to do for his mother or anything he wants to give her you should not get in the way. You should love and respect him for taking care of his mother. You are an unwise wife. You have the wrong attitude and if you continue to frown on everything he does for his mother, he will stop loving you.