When being the last to know really hurts

FORGIVENESS is not easy. One piece that I read had this to say: when you do not forgive it is like drinking poison and then expecting someone else to die!

Failure to forgive eats away at you. The other person could actually be getting more sleep than you and in the process having a much healthier life than you!

People wrong others all the time and some people are guiltier than others. Some people actually make it a habit, a very bad for that matter to wrong others and in some instances never say sorry and ask for forgiveness. In fact some people do not even think of what they would have done wrong. They just carry on with their lives.

There is a Shona proverb which says “rinonyenga rinohwarara rinosimudza musoro rawana”. I have been cracking my head in terms of how this can be translated.

I guess in our indigenous languages there are some words that are only unique to those languages and value is lost in translation. I will just explain what the proverb means.

It means that when a man is courting a woman, he tends to bring himself low even lower than his usual self and only reveals his true colours when the woman has fallen for him or accepted his proposition to date or even marry.

Maybe that explains why some men are so willing to do things for their partners while they are still dating but once they are deep rooted in the relationship, they can refuse to do the same without even blinking an eye.

A long time ago, my associate Spiwe had a real taste and application of this proverb and the ending was not pleasant.

In fact it left her with some scars. The good thing about scars is that they are a sign that one has overcome. Overcoming is not easy. For a long time Spiwe was like the individual that I mentioned in the first paragraph, drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

For even a longer time, my associate was frustrated and had her own issues on hold as she wished and hoped silently that the person would be punished and then she would just watch. None of that happened at least not that Spiwe and I know of…

I am sure that there are other people who can relate to what I am saying here.

Here is the story. Hold on to your seats it could be a bumpy ride for some people.

Spiwe met someone, a man. The man was a subject of lively discussions. Spiwe could feel that her heart missed more than one skip whenever she thought about him.

Mind you this happened when we were in our mid-thirties so we were not some hormone driven teenagers. We were fully grown women.

Call it a second attempt at finding love. I will say what I always say, hormones have no manners! They have no respect of age or status. Hormones are hormones!

So this man had told Spiwe that he was separated from his wife and that he was looking at starting a new relationship with a woman who would love and respect him.

He presented himself as man who was badly scarred by what he had faced in his marriage and was desperate for healing.

Spiwe though not medically trained was so confident that emotional healing she could provide. This she did. Quickly these two were an item, an adorable item too.

The man was supportive and Spiwe was glowing more each day.

Then the man got sick and was admitted into hospital. Spiwe being the great partner that she was made frantic efforts to get the information and went to visit.

What disturbed her was that her man was not eager for her to be too close. He said that he felt that he was running out of breath.

Spiwe was worried that he could be a lot worse than he said. She sat at a distance.

A few minutes later a woman walked in, exchanged pleasantries with Spiwe and the other two visitors that her man had not introduced her to.

The woman walked up to Spiwe`s man, greeted him and started fluffing up his pillows while he lowly thanked her.

Spiwe thought she was dreaming because when the woman sat next to him and he did not say that he felt as he was running out of breath.

Spiwe felt that something had struck her across the face. She left the hospital in a haste without saying goodbye.

It was only later that she started doing what she should have done earlier, looking for information pertaining to `her` man. She became a private investigator.

What she discovered broke her heart. He was married. Some people that she had met through him knew that. They had concluded she was comfortable dating a married man.

I thought about Spiwe when I saw a school girl in town with a stained uniform. She was far away from the school which means she had at some point walked in front of some people along the way.

If I could see the stain with my spectacles on… Most school uniforms are plain and anything that then stands out as an added design on the uniform should not be there.

Strategising on how to reach out I could not help but think how that stain could have ended there, near the hem of the skirt. I was relieved when I saw a young woman hold her by the hand and lead her into an office complex.

Like Spiwe, I am sure she was hurt that she was the last to know. She could have felt that something had hit her across the face as she thought of the distance she had walked fast eager to get home and maybe get started on her homework.