Once sex­i­est hunk has big tummy

The Manica Post - - Fashion/Relationships/Dateline -

Dear B — My hus­band was the sex­i­est hunk this side of the planet when we got mar­ried 10 years ago, but a life of con­stant meet­ings and end­less work­shops has seen him gain a lot of weight, in­clud­ing a big tummy.

I tried many in­ter­ven­tions in­clud­ing invit­ing him to gym and plac­ing him on a diet, but have failed over the years. How do I tell him that hav­ing sex with him is a to­tal turn-off? Boi­tumelo Replies:

It is dif­fi­cult to sug­gest any more in­ter­ven­tions be­cause you have tried a lot of them and have not been suc­cess­ful.

Most men can eas­ily get ego crushed should they hear that they are not good enough in bed, and are not sat­is­fy­ing their women. But the truth can get his at­ten­tion, es­pe­cially if it is com­ing from a lov­ing and con­cerned part­ner. I be­lieve be­ing hon­est with him about how you feel and how it is now af­fect­ing your sex life can maybe help him see that you are con­cerned and re­ally want him to make a change.

Dear B — On our hon­ey­moon re­cently, I was crushed when I walked in on my new hus­band plea­sur­ing him­self in the bath­room.

I was so em­bar­rassed I went out for a day of sight­see­ing with­out him. Al­though he apol­o­gised for do­ing this on our hon­ey­moon, he said the act has got noth­ing to do with me. Un­for­tu­nately, I of­ten get flash­backs about the ex­pe­ri­ence.

Boi­tumelo Replies:

It is nor­mal to ex­pe­ri­ence flash­backs of a shock­ing and un­pleas­ant ex­pe­ri­ence.

That ex­pe­ri­ence has left you with un­pleas­ant mem­o­ries that come as flash­backs.

That should fade away once the shock has set­tled down.

A lot of part­ners tend to ques­tion their worth and ad­e­quacy in the re­la­tion­ship be­cause it makes them feel like their part­ner is not feel­ing sat­is­fied and is re­plac­ing them.

It seems your hus­band’s apol­ogy and rea­son is still not enough for you. Per­haps you still need to talk to him about it and re­ally be hon­est about how it af­fected you. You also need to talk about whether this should be taken as some­thing that forms part of your re­la­tion­ship or not, so that you can make peace with it.

Dear Dei­dre

I ran a suc­cess­ful busi­ness and we had a good life with no money wor­ries.

But I sensed some­thing was not right and she even­tu­ally ad­mit­ted to cheat­ing. We de­cided to try again but in the end she left me, tak­ing the kids and all our money.

I now live in a tiny flat but still do things as a cou­ple and as a fam­ily.

We are both sin­gle and I’ve asked her to try again but she just tells me to move on.

DEI­DRE SAYS: If she in­sists she will not get back with you, you can­not force her. You can only ac­cept it.

Be­ing very closely in­volved with her is keep­ing you tied to her emo­tion­ally and mak­ing it harder for you.

Of course you still need to carry on be­ing a fa­ther but also need to get your own sep­a­rate so­cial life go­ing again.

Dear Dei­dre — I HAVE made mis­takes and push peo­ple away and now I feel so lonely.

I am a sin­gle gay man of 23. When I came out to my par­ents, they told me it was dis­gust­ing, hor­ri­ble and wrong and they dis­owned me.

I moved away and met my now ex-boyfriend.

He swore he loved me but he was hav­ing ca­sual sex with other men. Then he told me had caught HIV and tests showed he had passed it on to me. I am still in touch with my sis­ter but I have not told her I am HIV pos­i­tive. I can­not tell any­body.

DEI­DRE SAYS: You are nat­u­rally deeply hurt be­ing HIV pos­i­tive is far from the ter­ri­ble di­ag­no­sis it once was, and you can live as long as any­one else.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Zimbabwe

© PressReader. All rights reserved.