Had sex on my kitchen table with best friend’s partner

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD awesome sex on my kitchen table with my best friend’s partner after he gave me a lift home one night.

I’d already pleasured him on the way after I got him to stop his car in a lay-by. It was the first time I’d cheated and it felt good. There have been other guys since but I know I’m getting myself in a mess.

I am 47 and my husband is 49. We have been married for 20 years. He started to suffer with erection problems three years ago. I can make him climax but it’s always a bit of a chore. He has a heart condition so can’t take Viagra. I was fine with this — or so I thought.

We were invited to my best friend’s house-warming party five months ago. My husband is a plumber and he was on-call but said it was OK for us to go to the party as he wouldn’t drink. A couple of hours later he got an emergency call-out, so arranged with my friend’s partner for him to take me home.

I was happy with that as I’d had a few drinks by then and was really enjoying myself. It was around midnight and I was more than a little drunk. My friend’s partner took me home as planned but I had already started the fun in that lay-by.

By the time we got back to mine I was horny and he was ready, so I let him have sex with me on our kitchen table. That was the start of it. Now I have sex nearly everyday. A guy only has to smile at me in the street and I want to drag him off somewhere.

I’ve already been treated for an STI. I feel like I’m destroying lives everyday and am going to wreck my marriage. I must stop but my body won’t let me. My life’s a mess.

DEIDRE SAYS: Force yourself to think about what will happen if your husband finds out what has been happening. It is only a matter of time before you are caught and your life will come tumbling down. At least admitting you have a problem is halfway to sorting it.

Do you love your husband enough to want to try to make your relationship with him work? If so talk to him about how you can work together to revive your marriage.

Suggest you see his GP together, take the pressure off him for now and change the focus of your sex life. Pleasure and satisfaction does not have to be all about intercourse for either of you.

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having hot sex with my best friend’s girlfriend, the mother of his baby. I can’t stop seeing her but I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

I’m 27 and my mate is 28. We’ve been friends for ten years after meeting through our local football club.

I started texting his girl when my friend said he wanted us to get along as his last partner hated me.

She and I discovered we had a lot in common and we soon became close.

She is 26, has a bubbly personality and a figure to die for. We’ve now started to make plans together, just the two of us. We’re both into rap music which my mate hates. He was happy to see us getting along so well.

They invited me over one night for a takeaway and a film. We all had quite a lot to drink so I ended up staying the night. My friend went up to bed after the film we’d been watching ended. He had offered to get up in the night if their baby woke up to give his girlfriend a break.

I went and sat next to her and we cuddled up together on the sofa. I put my arm around her and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex there and then. It was so passionate — I’d never had sex like it.

We have been having secret sex ever since. I know what I am doing is wrong but it’s like I can’t stay away from her.

We have both admitted we have feelings for one another and she reckons my friend is only with her because of the baby.

She says she only feels happy when she is with me.

If that really is the case, why is she still with him?

I really care about my best mate and I feel so guilty over it all but I do not know if I can stop seeing his girl. What should I do about it?

DEIDRE SAYS: Step back and think about just how dire it will be when your friend realises what you’ve been up to — as he will if you carry on.

He’s being doubly betrayed by the two people he thought he could best trust. She may be telling the truth when she says she’s happiest with you but, for now, she’s staying put.

I am sure she loves the sex and talking with you but she seems pretty comfortable where she is. There’s a big difference between secret sex with her and taking on her baby with an angry ex-partner around.

Say she must sort out her relationship with her baby’s father one way or another — and best for her baby’s sake if they can make it work. But that means ending your affair and avoiding her for a while to give her the space she needs to try.

If they eventually split and she becomes a free woman, maybe you’ll think again if you’re still keen on her. It’s too early for that sort of commitment now and it would almost certainly mean losing your pal.