How to maintain healthy relationships during lockdown

ON January 2, the Government put in place 30 days lockdown measure. Resultantly, Zimbabweans are expected to remain indoors for the stated period. It must be noted that the lockdown measure is a noble and necessary initiative meant to ensure humanity’s survival in light of Covid-19 pandemic which has devastated the whole world.

Despite its immense benefits to the nation’s citizenry, the lockdown is on the other hand presenting adjustment challenges to some couples who are now spending more time together than usual.

Both local and international media reports indicate an increase in domestic violence cases during the lockdown period which is being implemented by several countries.

Domestic violence is one of the ills which can be a direct result of unhealthy relationships.

Furthermore, staying indoors during this period has further worsened the situation for individuals already in unhealthy relationships with their spouses.

Below are a few tips which can be utilised by couples to promote and maintain healthy relationships;

Manage your emotions

It is a fact that we are driven day-by-day by our emotions and without doubt our emotions control our thoughts, intentions and actions.

Couples should thus be able to identify, assess, express and control their emotions as this is vital for day-to-day interactions and relationship success. You can control your emotions only when you have managed to identify experienced feelings.

The following are self examining steps which an individual has to go through in an effort to recognise one’s feelings and consequently be able to effectively control emotions;

What am I feeling right now?

What happened to make me feel this way?

Does the situation have a different explanation that might make sense?

What do I do about these feelings?

Is there a better way of coping with them?

Emotions pushed under the rug either consciously or unconsciously can lead to mental health and physical issues such as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, sleep problems et cetera and these challenges can impact negatively on relationships.

While it is not advisable to suppress one’s emotions, couples must know when to express themselves. In this regard, the time and place are vital factors to be considered prior to expressing your emotions.

It must be noted that other situations require some restraint. For example, no matter how angry you are, screaming at your spouse in the presence of children won’t help.

Therefore, couples are encouraged to be wary of their surroundings and situations as this might help them learn when it is appropriate to let feelings out.

One way of improving emotional intelligence is to avoid cognitive distortions such as: overgeneralisation which can be a result of held convictions not backed by adequate evidence and facts. For example, attributing the quietness of your spouse to being unloving and uncaring.

In addition, faulty thinking pattern must be avoided. For example, “I am angry at you, and that proves you have been cruel to me”. Such emotional reasoning often results in a cycle of addiction which eventually leads to strained in relationships.

Allow catharsis

Couples should let out feelings and thoughts which make them feel uncomfortable. This process is therapeutic and thus promotes mental wellness by achieving a state of liberation from anxiety and stress.

Do not harbour feelings of anger and other unpleasant feelings as this can lead to emotional outbursts and consequently this might negatively affect relationships.

You can verbally share your feelings with your spouse or any other trusted person as one way of offering a cathartic route to express your feelings. Journalling technique can also be utilised to process your thoughts, including frustrations and worries.

Keeping a regular log of your emotions can help you process your experiences and create a sense of order in what can otherwise feel like a hectic time. Couples can further consider performing any activity like gardening and physical exercise best suited for liberation from bottled up emotions.

Positive communication

Ideal communication should be characterised with open and honest conversations. Friendly conversations which are key ingredients for good relationships transmit love, sympathy and understanding. To further cultivate healthy relationships, all conversations should be warm and respectful.

On the other hand, couples can exchange news, experiences and even jokes as a way of ensuring an emotionally healthy environment.

Listening skills must always be activated especially when the other person holds differing views. It should be reckoned that self control, objectivity and sound judgment must prevail in all conversations. For effective communication, negative criticism, suspicion and accusations must be discarded.

Conflict management

Conflict is unavoidable and it should always be borne in mind that peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict; alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence.

It is vital for couples to resolve all conflicts constructively so as to maintain healthy relationships. In situations of crisis and potential conflict, the acronym S.T.A.R should always be remembered;

S-top. Don’t panic and don’t react

T-hink. Gather information and possibly consider coping mechanisms utilised in the past to effectively deal with conflicts

A-nalyse. Weigh pros and cons of pursuing different alternatives in the quest to resolve the conflict

R-espond. Respectfully communicate what you think might work for both of you

When need be, learn to say sorry as forgiveness is one of the protective factors to avoid further deterioration of relations among couples.

Furthermore, when someone has hurt you deeply and you fail to forgive, you are allowing them to injure you a second time and compromise your mental health.

Daily routine

Couples must agree on the day’s routine as it promotes certainty and discourages unnecessary squabbles which might result from failure by either party to execute tasks previously not included in the day’s schedule.

If there is an unavoidable schedule change, both parties should be prepared for it in advance. To stay productively engaged, there is need to make the most out of the lockdown period. For example, more time spent at home could be utilised as “catch up” opportunity to fulfil all pending tasks and assignments, be it work or family related.

To promote mental wellness, the day’s schedule should also allow for time where couples play, laugh and have fun together.

Some experts believe that at least 15 minutes of laughter a day is necessary for both physical and mental health. Hence, you need to engage in activities which provide pleasure, delight and enjoyment.

Physical exercise

Besides physical benefits derived from exercise, it has also been established that mental health benefits can be derived from physical exercise. The best exercise which suits you is the one adapted for your age and physical conditions.

The benefits which can be accrued from physical exercise, include but not limited to; decreased anxiety, improved self esteem and confidence, combating mild depression and can even help one think more clearly.

Furthermore, exercise facilitates emotional intelligence and conflict resolution, strengthens intimacy and promotes feelings of happiness.

Healthy relationships are important in the promotion of an individual’s well-being. During the lockdown period it is imperative for couples to strive to maintain healthy relationships as failure to do so can lead to mental problems such as depression and anxiety. Unhealthy relations can also lead to social ills such as domestic violence.

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