Wife cheated with Ben-10
DEAR Tete Joyie: I am 39-year-old and my wife is 33. My wife cheated on me with a younger man and I won’t even consider forgiving her. However, my mother has made me feel guilty for wanting to leave her.
My wife confessed that during one of her girls’ trip to Nyanga, she slept with a man 10 years her junior.
Despite her remorse and immediately coming clean, I am not even considering forgiving her.
We have been together for 10 years, and have a seven-year-old daughter.
My mother is urging me not to throw away this family over my wife’s mistake.
She pointed out that my wife seems ‘genuinely remorseful’ and it is ‘not like she had an affair’, leaving me confused over what to do.
My wife revealed that she met the man and began flirting and dancing with him and when he spotted her wedding ring she lied to him that she was getting a divorce.
However, things quickly progressed as she was ‘charmed into a kiss’, which eventually led to them going back to her hotel room and engaging in extra-marital intimacy.
She has begged for my forgiveness, stating that she has no idea what came over her. What should l do?
Tete Joyie says:
I understand that this is an incredibly difficult situation for you, and emotions are running high. Infidelity can be deeply painful and deciding how to move forward is a complex process.
While I am not a therapist or relationship expert, I can offer some perspectives based on the information you have shared.
Your feelings are valid: It is completely normal to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry after discovering your partner’s infidelity. Your emotions matter, and it is essential to acknowledge them.
The complexity of forgiveness: Forgiveness is a personal choice and there is no one-sizefits-all answer. Some people can eventually forgive and rebuild trust, while others find it impossible. It is okay if you are not ready to forgive right away or if forgiveness is not even on your radar.
Your mother’s perspective: Your mother’s advice comes from a place of concern for your family’s well-being. She sees the bigger picture and wants to prevent the dissolution of your marriage. However, remember that you are the one living this experience and ultimately, the decision is yours.
Genuine remorse vs affair: Your wife’s remorse is significant. She came clean immediately, which shows honesty and regret. However, it is essential to recognise that her actions still fall under the category of infidelity.
Whether it is a one-time mistake or a prolonged affair, the breach of trust remains.
Consider counselling: Marriage counselling can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings, explore the reasons behind the infidelity, and work towards healing. A professional can guide you through this process and help you communicate effectively.
Your daughter: Your daughter’s well-being is crucial. Children are sensitive to tension and changes in their parents’ relationship. As you contemplate your next steps, consider how your choices will impact her.
Self-care: Take care of yourself during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family or a therapist. You don’t have to make a decision immediately, give yourself time to process everything.
Remember that there is no right or wrong answer here. Trust your instincts, prioritise your emotional health, and consider seeking professional guidance. Whatever path you choose, know that you deserve happiness and peace.
********************* Feud over dog poop
Dear Tete Joyie: MY mom’s neighbour keeps leaving dog poop in her yard and this has sparked a huge feud and I am plotting my revenge.
My mom asked the neighbour several times to keep her dog under control, but the neighbour never complied and the two women are no longer on good terms.
After putting up with the poop for months, my mom started using a shovel to toss the dog’s poop over into the neighbour’s yard.
Our neighbour returned the dog poop a few days later, and the two women have been feuding ever since.
My mom tried to talk to the neighbour the next time she saw her outside her house, but the woman just screamed at my mom.
I am now planning to keep an eye on the dog so that if it comes into mom’s yard l will leash it and call animal control to collect it.
The dog itself is not the problem, it is actually a nice dog, but the owner is a big problem.
Tete Joyie says:
I understand that dealing with a neighbour’s dog poop can be incredibly frustrating, especially when communication has broken down. Here are some steps you might consider taking. While it has not worked in the past, consider having one more conversation with the neighbour.
Approach it calmly and express your concerns about the dog’s behaviour. Sometimes a direct conversation can lead to resolution. Build a physical barrier between your mom’s yard and the neighbour’s.
Stones, fencing, or greenery can help keep the dog out. You could also line the yard with dog repellent scents like garlic, vinegar, citrus, or ammonia.
Also take photos or videos of the dog’s behaviour, especially if this continues. This evidence can be useful if you need to involve local authorities or animal control.
If all else fails, contact your local animal control centre. Provide them with the evidence you would have collected. They can address the issue and ensure compliance with local regulations.
Remember that revenge may escalate the situation further, and it is essential to find a peaceful resolution. While the dog is not at fault, addressing the owner’s behaviour is crucial. Hopefully, you can find a solution that benefits both your mom and the neighbour.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, Whatsaap 071 06 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember all those who write to us remain anonymous.