‘My friend’s boyfriend is cheating!’

Conversations with Brendah

Hi Brendah,

I just found out my friend’s boyfriend is cheating on her. I know this because munhu waarikudanana naye is my cousin’s work colleague. Should I tell her?

Asi vanhu vanodarirei nhai? Chingoramba munhu kana wakusada nezvake.

Iyi inonetsa because unfortunately, regardless of how you go about this, as the bearer of bad news, you will ultimately be the bad guy.

Scenario 1: If you tell her what you know, she might resent you for putting her in a situation where she now has to make a tough decision that she might not be willing to make. And if she doesn’t make the tough decision, she will resent you because she will assume you are going to judge her for not leaving. Also, if she stays with the guy, he will probably try and make sure your friendship doesn’t last because now he sees you as a threat.

Scenario 2: If you don’t tell her and she finds out that you knew all along, she will resent you for keeping her in the dark because there is nothing as humiliating as being the last one to know.

Having said that, always err to the side of protecting shamwari yako nekuti kune zvirwere kunze uku. Tell her the truth and let the cards fall where they may. At the end of the day munhu mukuru and she has agency to decide what she wants to do with the information you give her. But I would rather she is upset with you for your honesty than your deceit.

Challenge of the week: If you have a relationship with the boyfriend, confront him before telling your friend. Get his side of the story first.

Song of the week: Muchiti mugere — James Chimombe. Drink of the week: Tequila. Both conversations are going to create jambanja pahotera.

Dear Brendah

I don’t have a problem with religion, but my wife spends more time at church than she does with her family at home. During the week there is praise and worship, life group and mid-week prayers and on weekends there is church and Mothers' Union. How can I get her to understand that her family is as much of a priority as her faith?

Unoziva nyaya dzema chechi dzinombondi stressa. Asi handisipano kuti ndirasise vanhu chitenderero.

Mafungiro angu, people that spend an inordinate amount of time at religious institutions (kana vasiri kurara napastor or one of the elders) are either desperately seeking something or running from issues they feel they don't have control over and are looking for some form of guidance/comfort/refuge. You may also find most times, this commitment can also be steeped in a warped sense of legalistic Christianity that states, the more you do, the more religious you are, therefore, the more the Lord will bless you. Which is not how it works.

Nyatsogara naMadam wobvunza her motivation at spending so much time in church. Try and understand her point of view before sharing your issues with it all. Explain your sentiments to her that in order for her to be able to spend all that time in church, it means there is something that is getting neglected. And in this case, it’s her family. Hapana maChurch anoda kuparadza mhuri or be the cause of a breakdown in a marriage. Haana kuroorwa naJesu saka it is important for her to strike a balance between home and chitendero.

Challenge of the week: Garai mese kuti unzwisise (without judgement) why she is so committed. Song of the week: Jesus

Loves Me — Genesis.

Drink of the week: The blood of Jesus… pamwe unotendeuka woendawo kuchurch.

Ndiyoyo...kandai nhamo dzenyu ku inbox and muve ne weekend yakanaka.