Positive parenting 101: Children learn from what you do
Jesca: Tell you what, l am striving to nurture, protect and guide my children but it’s not as easy I thought it would be growing up.
George: Ohh you are right, it can be so frustrating. Personally there are times my kids display undesirable and unexplainable behaviour, I always don't know how to help them…
Jesca: This whole parenting issue is not a joke iyoh, for a long time we were told parenting was a job and we took it lightly.
I wonder what we are supposed to do to make sure we give our kids the best of parenting they could ever get…
What the parents are, that to a greater extent the children will be.
●Positive parenting is a school of thought that allows our children to be treated with respect, it is a continual relationship you have with your children e.g. how is your communication like?
●When we are positive parenting, we are focusing on building a positive relationship with the child.
●Positive parenting entails showing children warmth, love and kindness
●It involves guiding our children to act in the best way by encouraging and teaching them good things we want them to know
●It is inclusive of being there for our children and helping them thrive by constantly reminding them they are loved, they are good enough and they matter
Positive parenting techniques
●Be present: It is important that you spend time with your kids. I always emphasise on the need to take your kids on dates either all of them and even individually. Make sure they understand you are there for them. What they will take when you are no more are the memories you shared together and not the latest iPhone etc though all that is good. This way your children know you are there for them even when you discipline them
●Empathise: Being a kid is not as easy as most of us think, let's take time to understand what they are going through. Show your children you understand them rather than minimizing how you could cry about being given the wrong cup. Be there for them emotionally too.
●Set
Show your children the need to set rules. Set specific goals and be clear about consequences.
●Find
Find out why your kid is behaving a certain way and solve that. Remember there is more to negative behavior than the behavior presenting itself. If your child is having a tantrum, think about what they could have been feeling like before. Encourage them to write down about how they feel as well and talk about it and figure out what could be causing all the sadness and them being angry etc. ●Turn
Instead of just punishing our children let's sit them down and try to let them pick lessons from their mistakes. What is it they have learnt? What is it they can do better next time? You need to help them plan for future difficulties while teaching them accountability, conflict resolution skills, being a helping hand to others, and teamwork. In situations where they made mistakes, try to make them identify how they could have handled the situation.
●Don’t
You need to follow through and make sure your kids know actions have consequences as well. Thus will help with monitoring them and motivating good behaviour.
●Bui●d Trust: Show your children you trust them. Encourage them to set their own goals and be responsible for them. Give them choices as well as this helps them feel a sense of independence too
●Be exemplary: Children can see and they are so great at emulating.
●Comp●iment and reward good behaviour: always say well done when they do something good and well-tried you can do better when you feel they haven't really done well. Do not tell them demotivating things like “zidofo”, “hapana chinozivikamwa” or “ndochii ichochi.” By saying these things to our kids we are only disempowering them. Instead let's use words like ooh that's my baby, you can do better, you are the best, you got this etc. This way they will even go extra miles because they know you are cheering on them all the way.
●Admit
Don’t let ur children grow in an unrealistic world where there is nothing by demand for perfectionism.
●When you set goals, work hard and accomplish them
●Learn positive coping mechanism to manage stress as well as anger — your children are learning and coping
●Stop at how you could have also contributed to the problem sometimes and be solution focused. They are watching and they are learning
●Look
Look
As we live healthy they learn from us.
●Positive attitude: With a lot of negativity today choose optimism always.
●Insti●● good values and walk the talk.
●Be dependable.
●Show respect for others and yourself even.
●Practice effective communication skills.
●Be an excellent listener.
●Be encouraging.
●Do not give into peer pressure.
●Be honest.
●Be patient.
●Positive parenting sets our children for success.
●Positive parenting is linked to a happy and healthy adulthood.
●Stronger bond between children and parents.
●Effective communication.
●Higher esteemed children.
●Reduces negative behaviour.
●Promotes emotional intelligence in our kids.
●Grooms accountable and responsible children.
●He●ps children being treated uniquely.
●Improves problem solving skills.
●Teaches self-regulation.
●Teaches forgiveness.
To mention just but a few.
Positive parenting is not easy yet doable. Family members like aunts, uncles and cousins have also a crucial part to play thus working collectively in parenting our kids will go a long way. Always remember children learn more about what you do rather than from what you tell them to do.
*Sharon Chimwaza is a systemic counsellor and family therapist.
These weekly articles published are coordinated by Lovemore Kadenge, an independent consultant, managing consultant of Zawale Consultants (Private) Limited, past president of the Zimbabwe Economics Society and past president of the Chartered Governance & Accountancy Institute in Zimbabwe). kadenge.zes@ gmail.com or Mobile No. +263 772 382 852