Teen advice
QUESTION: MOTHER THOUGH!
I THOUGHT being a day scholar was better but l was wrong. Since l was in the fifth grade l was a boarder because of my parents constant travelling due to work. I always wished for an opportunity to live with my parents. When l was in form two my mother retired and seeing the opportunity l asked for her to take me out of boarding school and she agreed. Now l am in form four and am starting to regret my wish. I thought as a day scholar, l would spend some quality time with my mother, creating a bond to cover up for lost time. I was wrong it is the exact opposite. My mother is always on my case about everything. She finds flaws in all l do, she has no trust in me and she is always expecting the worst from me. All this is pushing me off the cliff and further away from her. I do not understand her actions towards me, l feel unwanted and hated . How do l deal with this situation l am going through?
RESPONSE
Well your situation is very common to many of us. Relationships with our mothers are very complicated when you are a girl child especially at this age. Some of their actions seem unnecessary and exaggerated but trust me it is all out of love.
I know what you are thinking Is locking me in part of love ? Is shouting at me part of love? Is not trusting part of love? Even the Bible they so parade talks about love being patient and kind so are they actions part of love?
As much as we don’t want to believe, it is.
The main solution for this is built around communication with your mother. In order to create a bond you need to talk to your mother .Find the perfect environment and setting conducive enough for you to start sharing what you are going through physically , emotionally and mentally . It doesn’t need to be spilt all at once , just start with the bits and pieces to conjure the bigger picture .
Start talking about her problems (note that these problems are assumptions you don’t know her problems yet, she hasn’t confided in you yet), that way you she can trust you as she sees you as a mature, serious, concerned and responsible teenager. Eventually when you are now used to being your mother’s listening ear, it will also became easier to talk to her about your problems.
Now that you are talking to her you will always assume she will never understand, what if she reacts badly to what l say and what if she scolds me .
Honestly it will happen like that you will open up to your mother and she will probably not understand you but be persistent with her, tell her more about your problems . She will eventually grow to understand what you are facing at that time. The most important ingredient in all this is patience, use it.
At a certain point you will argue with her about something , the best way to end the argument is just apologize and listen to what she has to say .
Pride is a big obstacle even if you are not wrong apologize then later discuss it when she has calmed down and really explain to her. Arguing with her doesn’t help but just create tension between the two of you .
On the issue of trust this element is earned .The best way to earn her trust is by stopping your habits she dislikes and always strive to do good . All in good time her trust for you will increase it might take time but you will get there.
Lastly your mother is still your mother she might make you angry or mad but give her the respect she deserves regardless of her unappreciated actions. SHOW LOVE AND COMMUNICATE. ◆ Students to send your questions you can app or text me on 0777661534 or you can post on my Facebook page Teen Advice.