Shades of infidelity
PERHAPS this is because we are a people that has abdicated its belief in personal responsibility. The truth is not only can men see it coming, they can prevent it from happening as well.
It is possible to affair proof your marriage. Will it be a lot of work? Yes. But that’s what you signed up for when you decided to marry your sweetheart.
What is cheating? Before we begin our discussion on how to immunize your marriage against infidelity, we should establish what constitutes cheating.
Having sex with another person of the opposite sex other than your spouse is obviously cheating. But it’s also possible to be unfaithful without having to go that far. Infidelity has shades of gray that should likewise be avoided.
It is possible to be emotionally unfaithful without crossing any physical boundaries. A perfect example of this is online infidelity. More and more married individuals are having online romantic and sometimes sexual relationships with women or men other than their partners.
While there’s no physical contact, I would definitely say this is cheating. Individuals who “date” online are violating a trust that their partner has put in them to be faithful in both body and mind.
Here are several ways to affair proof your marriage: Make your marriage first pri
ority Successful marriages don’t just happen. You have to be willing to put in the effort. This is especially true as couples get busier with careers, kids, or community activities. Those things are important, but if you want a strong marriage, your spouse must come first.
Keep dating your spouse I have written about this before but it deserves repeating. Establish a weekly “date night” with your spouse and treat this time as sacred. Your dates don’t have to be fancy, but you do need to work to keep them fresh. Studies show that injecting novelty into your dates can bring back the butterflies you experienced when you were first courting. So visit a new restaurant, try a new hobby, or take a class together.
Quit the porn Bringing porn into a relationship is not healthy. It’s like bringing another woman or man into your marriage, except they are glossy and airbrushed. Porn will only create an unrealistic expectation in your mind about your spouse’s libido, body, and comfort level with weird sex positions. Pretty soon you will find that your partner isn’t satisfying you and your eyes will start to wander. Dump the porn.
Focus on being romantic Any woman will tell you it doesn’t take much to be romantic. A romantic email or sms only takes a few minutes to write. Flowers are always welcome, even if you picked them up from the grocery store on the way home. These small gestures show your wife that you have thought of her and help reinforce your commitment to her.
Initiate affection Studies show that couples who are affectionate with each other stay together. Make an effort to initiate spontaneous affection with your wife. Give her a hug or surprise kiss and tell her how much you love her. Hold hands with her when you are out together. Also, don’t make your wife cuddle you. Invite cuddling with her without making it a precursor to sex.
These small gestures will help strengthen the physical connection that every relationship needs. Apostle Kanyati is the founder and president of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Ministries. E-mail: apostlelckanyati@zoelcm.org
MANY people look at infidelity as if it is a natural disaster that no one could see approaching, as if it just inexplicably happened.