Confidentiality in the church

IT TAKES courage to tell someone about your problems, and when you take the plunge, the last thing you want is for your story to spread through the whole church like wildfire.

Think of that painful incident when your confidence was betrayed.

Why is it that the betrayal of confidence is such an affront to our sense of justice?

To begin answering this question with a principle is a good place to start.

When you share some information with another person, that information is still yours. It still belongs to you. And since you own it, you alone have the right to decide who it may be shared with.

So when another person starts making decisions about your information, it is scary, offensive and hurtful.

Therefore, it is of vital importance to remind yourself not to make decisions about other people’s information. Do not reason, “John would not mind if I told Tatenda”, for John alone has the right to decide whether to tell Tatenda or not.

Just because somebody chose to share something with you does not imply that his or her information is now yours. Passing on someone else’s information is a violation of justice. It is also a betrayal of trust, and without trust a relationship is on shaky ground.

This is of particular importance to pastors, for whom trust is the currency of effective ministry.If you cannot trust your fellow Christian, how can you relate to him or her? How is it possible to be accountable in the area of your struggles if you can’t trust those to whom you are accountable?

Make no mistake, a pastor with a loose tongue will never be able to pave the way for a culture of transparency in the church.

Interestingly, most of us recognize the importance of keeping confidentiality. So why then do we do otherwise?

Let’s face it, some stories told in confidence make the most fantastic sermon illustrations or stories! But even if you change names and keep details general, most people can work out who you are talking about.

So do not be tempted to use such stories as sermon ammunition, nor should you use them to boost your sense of worth. Exclusive information gives one power, and hinting about it or disclosing it gives a sense of importance. Maybe you have other tempting reasons for breaking confidentiality.

Breaking confidentiality in a sermon illustration or to boost one’s self-worth is overtly sinful.

But sometimes we do it because some confidential information is very hard to bear alone. In certain cases, we simply want to share the load with someone else, who can pray into the situation. On other occasions, we feel out of our depth and would like to ask another for help and advice.

For these reasons, I always try to clarify confidentiality boundaries with the person who is confiding in me.

Even before he or she has begun sharing, I clarify three things:

1) The principle of information ownership - Once he or she has shared their information with me, it still belongs to him or her and I have no right to share it without permission.

2) However, I establish that I may break confidentiality if I discover that he or she is planning to harm him/ herself, someone else or to break the law.

3) I may ask for permission to share the information with my wife or co-pastor for the purposes of sharing the load, prayer and advice. However if the person is not comfortable with this third provision, I will respect their wish and keep the information to myself.

Therefore, the ability to keep confidentiality is a vital quality for Christians. To pass on confidential information without permission is unjust.

Further, it destroys trust, the cement that holds relationships and the church together. Without this trust, it is impossible to become spiritual fathers or to create a climate in which accountability and transparency thrive.

Send feedback to harvest@ mango.zw