Oneness — key to a blissful marriage
WE DISCUSSED that communication is key in a healthy relationship, couples need to make time to check on each other regularly. As such, we communicate issues openly with love, rather than thinking that one day we will wake up expecting to find all the problems gone.
Then I also mentioned that marriage is based on commitment of one person to another. These issues and the following are key guidelines to a blissful marriage.
No matter how far a couple has traveled down the road to isolation, it can still reconnect and become one.
Oneness in marriage is formed by a husband and wife who are grafting intimacy, trust and understanding with one another. It’s a couple chiseling out a common direction, purpose and plan.
Oneness in marriage demands a lifetime process of relying on God and forging an enduring relationship according to His design. It’s more than a mere mingling of two humans — it’s a tender merger of body, soul and spirit.
Oneness in marriage can be compared to a pair of scissors - two components joined and never to be separated. Scissor blades frequently go in different directions but they are more powerful when coming together.
King Solomon said,”By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches”, (Proverbs 24:3-4, emphasis added).
When a marriage is built according to God’s plan, there is no room for isolation — the matrimony stands on solid ground. The richness of its value fills every room. This is a portrait of what it means to be one with one’s spouse.
Here are three foundational components of oneness in marriage:
Oneness in marriage needs wisdom. Wisdom is a skill in everyday living. It means that we respond to circumstances according to God’s design. A wise homebuilder recognises God as the architect and builder of marriages. As we ask God for wisdom and search the Scriptures, He supplies the skill to build our home.
King David warned, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain,” (Psalm 127:1). For many, the architect and builder of the marriage is “self.” It’s no wonder so many marriages fail.
Many couples are outwardly successful, but privately their home is riddled with conflict; they harbour resentment and withhold affection. This can only stop when you ask the Lord to be the architect of your marriage and family.
Oneness in marriage needs understanding. Understanding means responding to life’s circumstances with insight — a perspective that looks at life through God’s eyes. Understanding your soul mate from God’s perspective results in acceptance of his/her differences and beginning to learn how God made that person to complement you.
Oneness in marriage needs knowledge.The point here is that Solomon was talking about knowledge that fills homes with “precious and pleasant riches”. It’s more than mere information — it’s a knowledge that results in convictions and applications. It’s a truly teachable spirit that applies God’s blueprints amidst the raw reality of life. Many of us need accountability in order to apply what we have learned to our marriage.
We need someone who will break through our self-built fences and our loneliness and ask us if we are applying what we are learning in our marriages.
For some it is because they have allowed certain individuals of unquestionable character to come into their lives and this has resulted in that negative effect on their great marriages. Do away with negative friendships and focus on building your marriage. Remember, not everyone wants to see you enjoying a healthy marriage.
Individuals reading this article may have started a journey of marriage and they want the best, thoughts of being isolated and loneliness never crossed their minds.
Symptoms of isolation may start showing after many years but the good news is that isolation can be defeated. This disease can be cured if you are willing to make the right choices and put the necessary effort into building oneness. Enjoy your marriage. ◆ Apostle Langton Charles Kanyati is the president and founder of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited interdenominational. Feedback: apostlelckanyati@zoelcm.org; WhatsApp: 0772 987 844
In my last article, “How to keep your marriage in good working order”, I emphasised on two aspects communication and commitment.