Thank God for bungling abductors, assassins
Must have the dumbest and clumsiest abductors and assassins ever.
DO you still remember those wannabe kidnappers who snatched a young Dr Peter Magombeyi — then president of the Zimbabwe Hospital Doctors Association of Zimbabwe (ZHDA) — on the evening of September 14, 2019 when he was ostensibly on his way to an all-night prayer?
The doctor later told us he was held captive in a basement for five days, which probably means he was held incommunicado in some affluent suburb somewhere in the capital.
For as long as he can remember, Bishop Lazi has never come across a house that has either a basement or an attic.
He only sees this in Hollywood movies. We might never know the morons who took him because he remains spaced out about the events that happened between September 14 and September 19, 2019.
He should have been heavily sedated because he only remembers being tortured whenever he came to.
After pressure mounted, the inept and spineless kidnappers could not take the heat.
They released him and gave him his fully charged phone, which he judiciously used to alert his acquaintances and tell the ever-alert Voice of America (VOA)’s Studio 7 radio service about his ordeal.
“I don’t remember anything. I think I am having retrograde amnesia. I just don’t know!” he told Studio 7. Apparently, when the dumb hit squad released him, they also made sure to give him a clean haircut and shave, including a neatly pressed scotched shirt.
I do not think they even know what torture means because their victim, who was supposedly heavily drugged and assaulted, looked unscathed and cheerful.
If the Bishop is ever to be abducted, he would easily choose these kind of abductors, who were blissfully oblivious that their heinous crime would unnecessarily spotlight Zimbabwe at a time when the 74th session of the United Nations General Assembly had begun on September 17.
While we might never know what actually happened to Dr Magombeyi, all we know is that the former intern at Sally Mugabe Central Hospital, who was plagued by disciplinary issues at the time, has since fortuitously
bumped into good fortune and is “livin la vida loca” outside Zimbabwe.
On May 13, 2020, the feeble-minded abductors struck again; this time kidnapping an MDC Member of Parliament Joanna Mamombe and her two fellow party cadres — Cecilia Chimbiri and Netsai Marova — six days before a scheduled SADC Troika Extraordinary Summit in Harare to tackle the growing insurgency in neighbouring Mozambique.
Well, the Bishop will not say much on this case, whose details remain as clear as mud, as it is still sub judice.
We only hope that after seemingly inordinate delays, surprisingly at the instigation of the accused, the trial will finally get underway so that we understand what really happened.
Bungling assassins
As if this is not bad enough, we are now told we have another group of bungling assassins on the prowl, who unsuccessfully tried to eliminate young Nelson Chamisa twice in Masvingo and Mutare. Fortunately, they horribly missed. What has, however, set tongues wagging is the calibre of weapon that was fired at the politician because the projectile that pierced the targeted vehicle is not like anything ballistic experts are used to. As Bishop Lazi writes this, they are still trying to figure out the curious weapon that was used. Some suggest it could even have been a hammer. Kikikiki.
But, how these indiscreet and blundering would-be assassins could not think that this might possibly damage the country’s image at a time when ED is preparing to attend the global indaba on climate change in Glasgow, Scotland, is anyone’s guess.
Many still do not quite understand the mystery behind these abductions and assassination attempts.
However, it will all become clear soon enough. Luke 8:17-18 tells us: “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Therefore, consider
carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.”
For some of us who have seen these antics, theatrics and drama before, they are clearly from the same playbook as the one that was recently used in Venezuela where Juan Guaido, who was egged on and actively supported by the Americans, tried to wrest power from Nicolas Maduro.
Just as Chamisa had done earlier on October 27, 2018 at Gwanzura Stadium by purportedly swearing in himself as president, Guaido also did the same three months later on January 23, 2019 in Caracas after claiming, as Chamisa also did, that he was the legitimate leader cheated of the presidency.
As a willing and abiding tool of the Americans, Guaido studiously used the counsel he got from Washington to try to overthrow Maduro. Nothing could have been more dramatic as the theatrics surrounding his attempt to bring in food aid from neighbouring Mexico at a time when the situation in his home country had become desperate owing to the oppressive sanctions regime.
You see, like Zimbabwe, Venezuela is similarly under the yoke of unilateral sanctions.
Well, the Americans, who had mobilised the aid through United States Agency for International Development (USAID), wanted Guaido to personally lead the cavalcade of vehicles transporting the food aid and medicine to Venezuela on February 23, 2019 as part of an audacious and elaborate PR campaign to burnish his contrived messianic figure.
This was calculated to tilt the scales against Maduro, leading to his eventual ouster.
Of course, the regime in Caracas was having none of that and accordingly blocked the border, which resulted in skirmishes in which some trucks were torched.
Although it was initially blamed on the “heartless” Maduro, it was later revealed that it was anti-government protesters who had thrown petrol bombs at the trucks.
The drama continued.
After the setback, Guaido tried to mobilise mass protests on May 1, which he hoped would snowball into a putschist movement.
But it all came unstuck. However, what the Bishop would like you to appreciate is the fact that the Americans, through their embassy in Venezuela, were handholding the naïve young politician as he plotted his regime change schemes.
US president Donald Trump’s ex-national security advisor Ambassador John Bolton makes this admission in his book “The Room Where it Happened: A White House Memoir”.
“As I explained to them and others, we were also providing advice to Guaidó at his request . . .“Continuous contacts were being made with top military officers about the terms under which they could come to Guaidó’s side, and with former Chavista Cabinet members, labour union leaders, and other sectors of Venezuelan society to build alliances,” Bolton interestingly reveals.
He also added details of the plot. “I understood the tentative sequence was that the Supreme Court would declare the Constituent Assembly (convened to write a new constitution) illegal; Maduro would then resign; the military would recognise Guiado as interim president; the National Assembly would be recognised as Venezuela’s only legitimate legislature; and the Supreme court would remain in place.”
Notwithstanding all these theatrics, Maduro still stands, as patriots — most particularly the chavistas — have triumphed over sellouts.
But some Venezuelans have understandably become tired of these antics.
In February last year, they made their frustrations clear when they frisked and attacked Guaido at the airport when he was coming back from a whirlwind tour calling for more sanctions on an already burdened country.
Well, here we also continue seeing the Americans handholding Chamisa’s MDC variant. You might have heard how their two senior officials — Chalton Hwende and Gift Ostallos Siziba — recently approached the Americans to get support in training their polling agents and supplying them with equipment such as phones.
They might think that their incestuous relationship is secret but the men and women in the shadows see and hear everything.
While political clowns continue their circus around the country, nothing will turn on this.
The fact that the usual embassies, which often frantically tweet and churn out solidarity messages supporting the MDC antics to help them gain attention and traction, remained mum after recent allegations of attempts on Chamisa’s life is quite instructive.
Meanwhile, ED’s political and economic juggernaut continues.
He definitely will not take notice of the distracting sideshows and remains laser-focused on his goals, which he will continue to do in the next 21 months.
One valuable lesson in politics that Bishop Lazi would like you to remember is that economic power often defines political power.
In time, you will understand full well what this means.
Bishop out!