Caught hubby red-handed

Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 35-year-old woman and I am married to a guy of the same age. We started staying together as man and wife three months ago after our wedding. In short, we are newly-weds.

I am expecting our first baby and my health is compromised. We are both degreed and gainfully employed. I was still going to work.

We usually used one car and my husband drove me as per my doctor’s recommendation.

Most of the time before we started off for work, my husband would rush back into the house to fetch his office keys, wallet or just something that he would have forgotten.

He is a smart person and he organises his things so well, but why was he being so forgetful?

Last week, he did the same and I followed only to find him in the maid’s arms kissing in the passage. I got the shock of my life and just managed to say “goodbye”.

I went straight to the car and drove to my parent’s house. He has been sending representatives from his family to say sorry, but I am done. The priest also came, but my heels are in the sand. Amai, I want to opt out. What do you think about such betrayal?

Response

Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for inquiring. I am at a loss for words. What disturbed me the most is that he and the maid had the audacity to do this while you were just outside?

You are still in the honeymoon phase and this is supposed to be the most romantic time of your marriage. I am truly sorry. You need time and counselling.

You have a baby on the way and you do not want to further stress yourself. This has a bearing on your health and that of the baby.

Only after talking to a professional can you truly make a decision that will be best for you. I think it was good that you sought some space while you regroup.

Had you gone for premarital counselling prior to this? I feel like it is an important step that most couples skip nowadays.

It can help couples understand themselves better before making a commitment. Stay strong and take as long as you need to gather your thoughts.

*******

Spouse clobbered

during night out

Thank you so much for this platform, it has changed so much in many people’s lives. We are a middle-aged couple blessed with two teenage girls. We get along well, but there is one sticking point: My husband does not want us to go out for recreational activities as a family. In most cases, I take the children out alone so that they get the exposure they need.

A fortnight ago, he went out with his male friends. He said they were going for drinks and gochi gochi.

He came back home slightly later than usual. His face was a bit puffed and his two fore-teeth were missing. I asked with great concern what had happened, but I still feel that he lied to me.

He said he was feeling a bit tipsy and fell on a rock.

The way he raised his voice and gestures just showed me that he was not ready to talk about whatever happened.

Amai, would it be a good idea to ask some of the friends he said he was with? Should I go to the venue he said they were going to and ask the owners? I am not settled. What can I do?

Response

Thank you for writing in and for following the column. In relation to your issue, I think the writing is on the wall. He was probably assaulted. The issues around the incident are murky because of his silence.

Have you assisted him with getting medical assistance? I think you need to try to have a candid talk with him and tell him to put his ego aside as this incident is affecting both of you. I find it difficult to understand why some men do not want to be seen in public with their families.

It is important to bond as a family. You can even plan activities together and incorporate some of the things he enjoys doing, like going for braai or to the movies.

The list of activities is endless. Life is short and the kids grow up so fast, try to emphasise to him that you should enjoy these moments while you still can. In future, I think it would be best if he avoided resorting to violence when he goes out as it can have serious consequences.

Communicate and you can solve all your issues in one sit-down. If he refuses to budge, it may be time to rope in relatives like tete to help you solve these issues and get him to open up.

I want my home back

My mother-in-law is not well. She came over last month to our house to stay with us while she receives medical attention. We have no problem with that even though her other three adult children are in the same town as us.

In light of the pandemic, I am concerned about the traffic coming in and out of our home. A lot of friends, family and church people are coming to see her every now and then. Some do not mask-up even if we say so.

The main problem is my husband’s elder brother. He is always inviting people to our place as if he does not have a place of his own. He also feels at home when he is in other people’s houses.

He offers food and drink before we do. He always comes on an empty stomach, but he stays in the same neighbourhood. What is going on may cost someone’s life because of Covid-19. Some deliberately come late in order to sleep over. What nonsense!

My husband complains behind closed doors, he is a coward when it comes to his family. The truth is I have reached boiling point. Please help. How do we handle such a delicate situation?

Response

I support your stance of being on high alert. Covid-19 is still around and people must remain vigilant. Make it a point to get visitors to sanitise and mask-up while they are still at the door. Be firm and they will oblige.

It was a good initiative to assist Amai in her time of need, but now you need to set some ground rules. If you have a family chat group, you can start there.

Inform the family while targeting no one in particular that Amai needs to rest and that the frequent visits disturb her rest and put her at risk of contracting Covid-19.

Acknowledge how she appreciates their love and support all the same. The same can be communicated to friends and the church. It is a necessary step if you are going to reclaim your home.

As for Babamukuru, his brother must have a chat with him. Tell him to man-up and address this issue before it gets out of hand. Refuse to be a prisoner in your own home. Make a stand your future self will thank you for. I wish you all the best.

◆ Write to maichisamba@fbnet.co.zw; WhatsApp 0771415747.