Know difference between friend, enemy

GROWING up, my siblings and I stayed with a cousin of ours who always tried to find ways to launch sneak attacks on us. No matter how much we always tried to please him, there was always a reason for him to inflict pain on us.

For example, during meal times, he would beat us up if we finished eating before him. He would say: “Why are you eating so fast? What if you choke?”

Even when we finished after him, he would still beat us and say, “Why are you eating so slow? The food will get cold and be unhealthy!”

The sad part of it was that if we finished eating at the same time as him, the result would not change.

He would still beat us and say,“Why are you competing with me?”

When it came to playing games, he would still find a reason to attack us; whether we triumphed over him, kept pace, or fell behind.

He would beat us to the point where sometimes we would get injured.

Over time, we realised that this was who he was.

As a result, we learnt to eat fast and leave the house immediately or run fast and get as far away from him as possible when jogging.

Lessons from the story

This story illustrates something that often happens in life.

I found out that sometimes in life we may pursue a goal as a team, under the impression that we are bound by a common cause and are of the same mind.

We may start a journey with a friend or family member under the impression that they will support and encourage us as much as we would do for them.

However, sometimes we find that the person we are on a journey with, is an enemy who wants to attack and destroy us.

People who are like this will always set up obstacles and blockades to cripple you, and to make sure that you give up on whatever you are doing.

It is important to recognise these kinds of people when they come into your life. For instance, there are people who get close to you because they want to associate with the well-connected people within your network.

Others actually aim to gain favours from your connections and once they do they begin to reveal their true colours. In pursuit of what they can gain from your connections, they bring you closer, they pamper you or give you special attention.

Some will even call you their best or close friend and go as far as visiting you at your home, but the moment they get what they want, you suddenly become irrelevant.

Sadly, you may try hard to reconnect with them and wonder what could possibly have gone wrong.

However, the more you try to spend time with them, the more they get “too busy” for you.

My advice is, let go and carry on with those who truly care for you.

Trying to hold on to such people can hurt you even more.

The sooner you let go and allow other people to get close to you the better.

Those opportunists will eventually meet their fate sooner or later.

In most cases they try to come back to you for a shoulder to cry on.

My second piece of advice is that if they do come back, then remain civil and give them wise counsel, if they ask for it, but guard your heart and keep a safe emotional distance from them before they can victimise you again.

Genuine people remain true regardless of who you connected them with.

There are so many cases of people who become depressed, commit suicide or murder in response to pain and suffering that came from realising that the person they had trusted and shared a journey with for a long time was in fact their enemy.

Many have lost their lovers or spouses to close friends, and some have lost their businesses or business concepts to someone they thought was their best friend.

Many people have walked with close friends or relatives, confiding ideas, strategies and secrets, only to find them exposed to the whole world.

These are the people that we need to distance ourselves from in life and keep our life plans away from them.

People like this are more dangerous than overt enemies that make their cruel intentions clear from the beginning.

These covert enemies gain your trust and your love, and when you least expect it they may attack and destroy you together with everything you would have worked hard to build.

As the idiom goes, they are wolves in sheep clothing.

Covert enemies can attack your support system.

They can draw close to your children, your close friends or your relatives in order to tarnish your name and reputation.

Their idea is to have your support system break down, and leave you alone and isolated.

My advice

◆ Do not ever think that if you walk with an enemy, they will begin to like you or that their hatred and envy towards you will subside. If anything, their feelings of resentment will grow because such feelings are fuelled by the image of seeing you succeed. The more you journey together, the more they strategise against you. Judas Iscariot was one of Jesus Christ’s most loyal followers and yet he turned out to be his biggest enemy. Do not trust everyone who smiles at you or shows you affection. Jesus Christ was betrayed with a kiss, the symbol of affection.

◆ Take time to study the people around you and be cautious around those who tend to over exaggerate their care and concern for you or have an unnatural interest in you. Remember, the more covert enemies know about you, the more they can utilise what they know against you.

◆ If you ever find yourself in the unfortunate position of discovering that someone whom you walked with in your life’s journey for a long time is your enemy not your friend, release and let go of such people to give yourself room to attract genuine people. Revenge may only suck up your energy.

◆ Rutendo Gwatidzo is an entrepreneur, HR consultant, team builder, transformational speaker and author. Contacts: +263 714 575 805 / winningstrategy.2020@gmail.com