The Sunday Mail (Zimbabwe)

Can this friendship remain platonic?

- Mudzimba Dr Rebecca Chisamba **************** Feedback: maichisamb­a@fb.net; 0771415474

AMAI, I hope I find you well. I am a 40-year-old man married to a 35-year-old woman and we are blessed with three beautiful children.

I love my wife but I never got over my high school flame. It seems she feels the same way too even though she is now married. We are great friends on social media and we always talk about our past and how we loved each other.

She went abroad for some time and got married to a Zimbabwean guy there and I married someone different. They are back in the country and we intend to take our friendship a notch up. As I write to you, we have a lunch date in a week’s time and we cannot wait. We have promised each other to keep our friendship innocent; it is not going to be a romantic one. I just decided to write in and ask what you think about this setup. I know you will give me your honest opinion.

Response

Hello and thanks for writing in. It is hard to have a platonic friendship in your 40s, especially if you and this old flame have unresolved feelings for each other. I think you are holding on to a pipe dream. Focus on your life and what you have achieved. The grass always seems greener on the other side. Keep her as a social media acquaintan­ce; there is no reason to meet in person.

Furthermor­e, if this is as innocent as you claim it is, why do you need a second opinion? Imagine if your wife did the same thing to you and the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel? Do not go into starting trouble.

I would advise you to seek profession­al counsellin­g. Prevention is better than cure. Desist from this downward trajectory.

Maiguru embarrasse­d me in public

I am a married woman and a mother of two teenage children. I believe in spending as much time with my children for as long as I can. I differ from my husband who thinks otherwise. He plans to send our kids to his brother or sister for every school holiday. The kids are not happy with this arrangemen­t but my husband says that is the only way they can bond with their cousins. Last week, we met at a family wedding and his eldest brother’s wife made an announceme­nt. She asked parents to keep their children at home during holidays, as sending them around is such a big inconvenie­nce, arguing no one has extra beds and blankets. I answered her angrily and told her that they would never see my kids again. My husband is angry with me. He says I was wrong to answer back because there were no names mentioned. The issue is pulling us apart. How do I deal with this?

Response

You are right. It is a good thing to bond with your children. Your husband should have put more thought into what he was doing. You were wrong to confront maiguru when she said that. I think it was a premeditat­ed trap. I do, however, believe tempers boiled over since she ignited the whole altercatio­n. What was said cannot be taken back. Apologise to maiguru for losing your cool. Be the bigger person. Put your foot down and tell your husband you need to prioritise your children. Why is he so eager to send them away? Ask him to host their cousins at your house instead if he is genuinely concerned about them getting to know each other better. Explain to him how embarrassi­ng it is to have people think you send your children away because you do not care about their welfare. Maiguru called a spade a spade. It is time to listen and cultivate good habits.

I was taken advantage of

I am a 26-year-old guy and I am madly in love with a lady of the same age. We have been going out together for the past two years. I paid fees for her studies and did a lot to improve her as a person. I paid rent for her the whole of last year. I told her a few days ago that I wanted to take our love to the next level and pay lobola. She laughed her lungs out and told me point blank that I was not her type. I do not understand this language and I cannot make head from tail. She has blocked me on all social media platforms. I went to her apartment and a certain guy opened the door and said they were too busy to attend to me. I am heartbroke­n. It seems I have lost everything. Amai, please help. How do I recover my money?

I am sorry about what transpired. You were taken advantage of. It is best to write off your losses. During the time you were together, did she ever say she loved you? Did you think doing all those gestures would buy her affection? The fact that she purposeful­ly ignored you when you went to see her was mean. If you were not her type, why did she lead you on? Unless it was put in writing somewhere that this woman owes you money, I do not see how you can recover your funds. I can only advise you to wise up and not be taken advantage of in the future. As for the money, you can always make more. Do not cry endlessly over spilled milk and possession­s.

Response

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