Mother’s effort not appreciated

DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well.

I have four siblings. We are all adults, married and have children. My mother lost her two sisters and two brothers so she is the only living sibling from her side. She assists all the families of her late siblings.

She visits them during fortunate and unfortunate times without asking for any favours in return.

The reason I am writing to you is because I do not know how to tell my mother that her efforts are not being appreciated. I have heard so much from the grapevine, with some saying she is a beggar.

Others say it is her lack of occupation that causes this and many other nasty things. It breaks my heart to think that the little things they do for her are all fake.

Please advise me because this will destroy her if I do not put it across well. I love my mum. She is like a jewel.

Response

Hello and thanks for writing in. I am very impressed with your mother. She does a lot of things that many people in her predicament would not do.

She does it because she genuinely cares. I advise people to be never too worried about what the grapevine says.

If she did not keep in touch with these people, I am sure they would have something else to say. What I can state assuredly is that do not tell your mother anything if you cannot verify it.

You could start a lot of trouble over nothing.

Continue to treat your mother with respect and rise above pettiness. Her good deeds speak for themselves. Chances are even if you tell her these rumours she may ignore them and go on about her day.

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Mother is giving away my stock

I am a 24-year-old guy, I worked in Harare for two years but never did anything tangible. I asked my parents who live at our rural home if they could give me a piece of land to farm. They gladly agreed and encouraged me to give it my all. This is what I am currently doing and the locals now call me master farmer.

I have managed to do many things in 18 months. I employed a young man who helps me with delivery and farming. I supply schools, markets, shops and individuals. I have a good number of consistent clients and walk-ins.

I drafted a schedule to do things in an orderly manner. My father helps me when he is free but my mother has become a big hindrance.

She is in the habit of giving her friends and churchmates free produce without checking with me. Giving back to the community once in a while is ok with me but not the way my mother is doing.

When I asked her to verify with me, she was not amused. She reminded me that it was her land.

I give them produce to sell for their benefit even if I am the one buying the inputs and working on the land. Amai, please advise I do not want to cross my mother’s path.

Response

Congratulations on empowering yourself. I am glad that you found something that is working in your favour. Your mother is ignoring basic business principles and if left unchecked she will run things into the ground.

In as much as it is her land she also needs to understand you are trying to make a business out of it. I advise you to rope in your father into this so he can assist you. Your mother needs to understand that she cannot do as she wishes.

The other issue I am picking up on is a lack of security.

Is your area fenced and where do you store your produce before distributing it? What additional checks can you put in place?

I think when you give your parents their share, advise them that if they wish to distribute or give away produce they can do so from that allocation.

I think you need to nip it in the bud before it spirals out of control. Let me know how it goes.

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Struggling to make ends meet

I am a 20-year-old woman. My husband is the same age and we are blessed with a son.

My husband is the sole breadwinner and he does menial work. We are struggling, actually we cannot make ends meet. My eldest sister, who lives in the same area, helps us out a lot.

At times, she takes our one-year-old son to her place so that he at least gets decent meals.

My sister and her husband have suggested that I go and work for them as a maid but will be going back to my husband at the end of each day.

The advantages are that I will get paid better than my husband and our child will be staying there.

It is a walking distance and I do not need bus fare.

My sister says she may even come to pick me up when it rains.

I was surprised my hubby said no to the arrangement, suggesting that people will see us as a poor and desperate couple. Amai, this is exactly who we are.

We cannot thrive on handouts. This is a chance to prove our worth. There is tension in our small room. Please help. If he does not see sense, I will go and leave him for good.

Response

You find yourself in quite the predicament.

While you are struggling to make ends meet, your sister has been pitching in and assisting especially with the baby so you need to thank her for that.

I understand where your husband is coming from.

He does not want to appear eager to receive handouts. I am concerned though with the role your sister wants to give you.

Is she really your blood sister? I am sure there are other ways of uplifting you. I am not saying there is anything wrong with working as a domestic worker, but, surely, you cannot be a servant in your own sister’s house.

I think having a meeting with your husband and your sister is the best way to go about it. It will allow you to air out your thoughts and feelings.

If you all compromise and are committed, you can find a way to improve your situation.

Do not be quick to leave your husband over this spat.

I think you can overcome this hurdle together. Continue to work tirelessly to try to improve your situation.

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