Sadly, his silence speaks volumes

STEPH SAYS:

I’M SO sorry to hear about your situation. I understand how upset you must be feeling, because, deep down, I think you realise you have reached the end of this relationship.

You felt you had a tacit agreement with your partner that you would get married, but I’m afraid he doesn’t share that view — and I think you know that.

You say you showed him pictures of the type of ring you’d like. He may well have felt you were trying to strong-arm him into this, and I am not surprised he has dug his heels in.

You expected he would propose to you over Christmas and, when that didn’t happen, over New Year. Sadly, he hasn’t done so.

It is entirely possible that he does want to marry you, but wants to do it on his own terms. Your curated selection of rings may well have come across to him as controlling — and I would tend to agree with that.

So it could be that his failure to ask you is simply him resisting because he resents you for trying to force his hand.

But I’m afraid to say I think it’s more likely his silence speaks volumes. You’ve been together for six years — more than enough time to know if you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

If he doesn’t want to commit to you, then he is stealing your time and, as we all know, time is precious and not to be wasted. You deserve more than to wait around to see if he might finally choose you.

In my eyes, you have three options. The first, you follow your sister’s advice and propose to him.

This is risky. Should he say no, the emotional fallout would be too much for anyone to bear.

Why set yourself up for such heartache?

The second option is to tell him you are disappointed he hasn’t asked you, but let him do it more or less in his own time. Say, for example, that if he hasn’t decided he wants to marry you by this time next year, you’ll take that as your cue to bow out. This way you hedge your bets a bit.

But I have to say that I think you may simply be prolonging your agony and chipping away at your self-esteem every month. I always say never give an ultimatum that you’re not prepared to follow through with, and this is certainly true here.

Which means, if you feel strong enough, I think you should go for the third choice. Tell him it’s clear to you that he doesn’t see there being a ‘for ever’ with you, and it’s time you moved on to find someone who does.

He might then surprise you with the ring of your dreams. But he may not.

Take control of your future and reclaim your self-worth. let him go gently, and walk into your next relationship knowing exactly what you are looking for, not waiting for.