Some scuttlebutt should be shared

Dear Amy: My daugh-ter-in-law's mother. -Penny.? was cheating on her husband right before he died. Penny moved the man into the family home three weeks after her husband's funeral. My daughter-in-law and my son recently had a baby that they will not allow to go to Penny's home because they do not want the child around this man. Unfortunately. my daughter-in-law is not aware that Penny actu-ally married him. Penny and I are not only in-laws, but we are neighbors. Everyone in the neighborhood knows that Penny has remarried. Here's my dilemma: Now that I know this, should I share it with my daughter-in-law? Penny has added this man to the title deed of the family home. He has two grown children of his own, and one is an addict who has stolen from Penny. I am concerned that withholding this infor-mation from my daugh-ter-in-Law will eventually cause a giant rift with my son and my own family. Do I tell? — Everyone Knows But You Dear Everyone Knows: Yes, you should pass this along, but you should completely detach from the inherent drama. If any of this information came directly from Penny, you could repeat It with confidence. Understand that repeat-ing untrue gossip will di+ In uely backfire and affect your own relationsh fps You can say. As you know. Penny and I are neighbors and I want you to know that there Is some neighborhood scuttlebutt concerning her I feel very uncom-fortable both holding onto this and also passing it along. But because it has to do with your mother. I want for you to decide whether you want to hear it from me. I don't even know if it is true, but if I were you. I think I would want to hear it," Your DIL may say. 'I'm not interested." If so. respect her choice. If she says she wants to hear it. tell her about the marriage. Her mother's remarriage has legal and financial ramifications that could affect the lam' ily. I would not repeat the other family-related gos. sip, unless you hear it di. redly from Penny. I hope you will encourage your daughter-in-law to keep in closer touch with her mother. Dear Amy: My hus. band has always sus-pected the man he's al. ways known as his dad is not his biological father, although this knowledge would break his dad's heart. We both decided to do a DNA test. His results showed him being very different than the fam-ily's ethnicity. I wanted to link my husband's pro-file to mine in order to have all of the informa• Hon together. With his permission. I logged onto his account. He hadn't yet chosen the option to find family members. The very first family connection was for his biological father. I panicked and turned that feature off and have kept this Information a secret ever since. Since my husband had wanted to know the an-swer for so long. I thought he would take this opportunity to look into it more, but after get t Mg the results of the her-itago. he has never really said much about it.

With the possible answer at his fingertips, he is shying away from it, so I don’t feel it’s my place to tell him. Should I say something or leave this alone? This information could shatter both sides of his family. — Wish I Didn’t Know

Dear Wish: This is your husband’s journey, and he should control the pace.

Your burden will be to sit on this knowledge with patience and compassion. If there is ever a health-related urgent reason to uncover this DNA parentage, you’ll need to make a fresh choice about what to do.

You might only say to your husband, “The answer is waiting for you. Whenever you might be ready to take the next step, understand that I will be with you all the way.”

Dear Amy: To “Holiday Headaches” and any others who have conflicts around this time of year. I have two grown children, both of whom are in committed relationships. That means two sets of inlaws who have their own holiday traditions.

I invented “Fake Christmas” for my husband and me. We pick an earlier weekend in December and do all of our Christmas traditions during that weekend, including opening presents. To my surprise, when Christmas Day arrived, my husband and I were quite satisfied, and didn’t need any more holiday stimulation. — Gifted

Dear Gifted: I love this idea. I hope you have a cozy Christmas this year.