Dese’rae L. Stage keeps a list of things that make her happy.
It includes going to the movies alone, walking around with a giant cup of coffee, and having regular Zoom chats with her best friends who live too far away to meet up with in person. She learned a long time ago that gratifying distractions and reminders of life’s small pleasures might save her in a moment of crisis.
Stage, an artist who lives in Philadelphia, also knows that even if a person has attempted or contemplated suicide, it doesn’t mean that’s how their life will end. She knows this because she’s a living example. She’s also the creator of Live Through This, an initiative that documents the portraits and stories of suicide attempt survivors.
The popular perception of suicide— that it’s unstoppable once the idea takes root—doesn’t reflect the reality that Stage and so many others know. Indeed, 9 out of 10 people who attempt to take their own lives and survive do not ultimately die by suicide, according to research cited by Harvard’s School of Public Health.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be cured of my suicidal thoughts, but I also don’t think I’ll take my life,” Stage says. “There’s a lot of room for growth and movement past the suicidality.”
Stage says that handling suicidal thoughts can get easier with time, particularly once a person develops a set of skills to help manage negative or volatile emotions. Finding coping strategies and creating a support network (friends, family, a therapist, a support group) make a critical difference.
It’s also important to remember that not everyone who becomes suicidal has an obvious or diagnosed mental illness. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that more than half of those who died by suicide between 1999 and 2016 did not have a known mental health condition.
Stage says we tend to overlook other known factors related to trauma and adversity, including relationship problems, substance use, financial struggles, health issues and sudden crises.
“This is just life, not mental illness,” she says. “The truth is that any of us could end up in that place.”
Stage hopes that Live Through This will change the stories we tell each other and ourselves about why people attempt suicide. It’s also a community
of survivors who support one another, often in a Facebook group designated only for those who’ve participated in Live Through This.
Below, members of the Live Through This Facebook group share their reasons for living.
“I stay because I discovered I’m not ready to go.”
—Lex Tobin
“I stay because living and loving are not possible if I am gone. I would miss all of this senseless beauty. Making the world a better place for my granddaughters is worth any pain.”
—Cheryl Sharp
“I stay because I’m now in a unique position to educate, advocate, offer hope and save lives.”
—Liz Mitchell
“A dear friend’s brother died by suicide several years ago. The memory of his funeral—of the intense singular suffering that comes with losing a loved one to suicide—has kept me from ever attempting suicide again. No matter how bad my depression gets, I know that there are people who would be devastated if they lost me. And when it’s too hard for me to live for myself, when every cell in my body wants to give up, I tell myself that I will keep living for them, and I do.”
—Melody Moezzi
“My purpose in life is to educate people on suicide via a lived experience perspective. That keeps me going if I have bad days.”
—Caitlin Coleman
“I stay for my dog, I stay for my family, I stay to see what I’ll create next.” —Logan
“I stayed for my sisters and my grandparents and, I eventually came to accept, I stayed for me.”
—N.P.
“I stayed for myself and for my kids who accepted me as their mom with all my flaws and my talents!”
—Nancy Nettles
“I stay because my students deserve an adult who always puts them first and fights for their well-being.”
—Marie
“I stay because if I leave, what is my story going to tell? I want to be stronger than that. I want those people who are feeling the way I have felt to know that things can get better. To know it’s OK to ask for help even
if it seems stupid. To realize that maybe one day you’ll find what you are looking for, but even if you don’t, things will be OK. I want to have a story. Not one cut short by frustration.”
—Cayla
“I stay because there are so many more adventures to be had and so many fires of hope in people’s souls to ignite.”
—Rhianna Brand
“I don’t have one big reason. Instead, I have thousands of little reasons, ranging from family and friends to the episodes of Bob’s Burgers that I won’t get to see. Each reason, no matter how small, is an act of resistance that my suicidal thoughts would have to knock down.”
—Alyse Ruriani
“I stay because I finally found longterm happiness. While it was terrifying to realize that I now had to relearn how to function as a happy person, it was worth it all. I stay because I want people to know of all the things I live with and have lived through, and to see that I am not only still here, but I am truly happy.”
—Cecelia Markow
“I was given a second chance at life, so I stay because 1) I want to honor the people who saved my life and 2) I’m stubborn.”
—Tina Aspegren
“I stay because life is full of beautiful surprises that I can’t even fathom yet. I think of all I would’ve missed out on if my attempt was successful. The most important: I never would’ve been an aunt and watched my nieces grow. I stay so they will have me to support them.”
—Melanie Demoree
“I choose to stay for my two cats, the people I love and hold dear, the next gorgeous sunrise and epic thunderstorm, and the next good book or awesome cup of tea. The biggest reason I choose to stay is because I’m not ready to choose to go.”
—Ashley Shoemaker
“I’m not who I thought I was. I want to stick around and find out who I become.”
—Paul Currington RD