THE BICYCLE DROUGHT
AKA: THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU CAN’T BUY A BIKE
It’s a tough time out there. The big picture in Australia on the whole is faring well, but for those who own bike shops the recent bicycling boom may give way to a more sombre famine in which stores struggle to maintain stock levels and stay afloat.
It’s a bit like the old adage “water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink”. If you’re not into Coleridge or sea shantys featuring Albatrosses and dehydration, basically it means: wow, so much potential however there is some wild barrier that’s prohibiting it’s realisation.
The unpalatable, salty barrier in the bike industry at the moment is manufacturing in the COVID era. In a time where travel and exports are slowed down by quarantine and customs, manufacturing itself has been thwarted by the virus in China (who alone manufactured 5000 MILLION bikes in 2016: crazy numbers!). Chuck in a wayward pangolin and a spicy cough and manufacturing has been thwarted. On top of that every man and his wife, and his kid, and his kid’s dog, and his nephew and their second aunt has taken up cycling.
Demand has increased exponentially as lockdowns are mandated… yet supply is a bit iffy.
If you’re sad because your first world passion of buying new bikes has been thwarted by global social and economic impacts, then read on. I have compiled a handy list of things to do that aren’t purchasing a new bike, but MAY assist with filling that $12000 hole in your heart.
1. BUY A YACHT INSTEAD
If you have money to burn, why not? Extra points if you build a pump track on it.
2. BUILD A PUMP TRACK OR SOME SICK JUMPS
If you can’t afford a yacht then the next best thing after a yacht with a pump track, is a pump track or some jumps sans yacht. You can easily go to your local landscape supplies shop and purchase some dirt if you’re without it at home, then spend hundreds of hours shaping, hosing, patting, reshaping, covering with carpet, taking the carpet off, reshaping and riding the pump track/jumps. Please send in pics of pump track/jump creations. Best apartment pump track wins a high five from me (but you won’t get your bond back).
3. CRY
If you’re feeling the existential nihilistic vortex that is so common when your new bike buying needs aren’t met, there is nothing like a good cry to get it out.
4. EAT SOME SNACKS
Sure, the new lightweight race bike you ordered is on backorder until 2023, but there’s no better time to carb load for peak performance than now. Get into it, remember, performance is a product of habits so start loading now for optimal success in ’22.
5. PLAN YOUR DREAM HOLIDAY
I hear Cunamulla and Cootamundra are BEAUTIFUL this time of year? I would usually encourage dreaming of epic trips to New Zealand, Canada, Colorado or Norway: mountain bike meccas around the world, but alas, it’s all pipe dreaming at this stage. Why not get wild in Whyalla, bored in Brisbane or sexy in Sydney. The world’s your oyster, after all. I mean, if your oyster is an overpriced domestic flight with the omnipresent fear of a virus.
Anyway, if this is all a bit too silly, maybe you need to lighten up a bit? I heard fancy yachts and snacks are a sure-fire cure… cos you sure as heck are going to struggle filling that void in your heart with a new bike.