Australian T3 - - CONTENTS -

Ten tech items you have to live with­out… be­cause you’ll in­vari­ably lose all of them



In this con­nected age, ev­ery­thing’s sup­posed to just sync and stream seam­lessly, isn’t it? So why do we still need a re­mote to switch the telly to AV1, the PlaySta­tion’s DualShock to turn on your con­sole and a Fox­tel re­mote to record Game of Thrones? And we haven’t seen the Ap­ple TV’s chew­ing gum-sized con­trol for weeks… Right! Up come the sofa cush­ions for the sixth time to­day. No won­der Dad looks so smug that he keeps all th­ese things in a lit­tle drawer. Of course, a univer­sal con­troller could sort this all out… if it wasn’t the least fash­ion­able gad­get in the whole of tech.

2/ Your good sunglasses

If your sun­nies have a de­signer la­bel and cost more than a day’s pay, they’ll ei­ther be left in a pub, train or ho­tel room within a year, if not ripped apart by a tod­dler. Con­versely, that $10 pair of “Ray-Bam Way­fair­ers” you bought from a week­end mar­ket stall will be buried with you.

3/ SIM tools

As soon as you open the box of your new iPhone 6, re­mem­ber to grab the lit­tle SIM card re­mover and chuck it on the car­pet, where it will van­ish in­stantly into another realm. It’s go­ing to hap­pen any­way, so you may as well be in con­trol of your own des­tiny. Phones should re­ally come with a pa­per clip or safety pin, as that’s what ev­ery­one ac­tu­ally uses.

4/ Bat­ter­ies

No mat­ter how many times you buy a fresh sup­ply of AAs, as soon as you ac­tu­ally need a cou­ple, ev­ery packet in the house is empty. Even if you live alone. But you won’t throw the packet out, though, no no no: you’ll need that for putting the used bat­ter­ies in.

5/ Trim­mer brush

Ev­ery time you buy a new shav­ing con­trap­tion you make a prom­ise to your­self to al­ways keep the lit­tle vial of oil, the plas­tic cover and lit­tle clean­ing brush to­gether. You even buy a stylish lit­tle toi­let bag to put ev­ery­thing in, too. But like a magic trick, zip up that stylish lit­tle bag, im­me­di­ately unzip and… Abra­cadabra! The plas­tic cover is now for a dif­fer­ent shaver and the brush has gone. The oil’s still there, but you don’t know what it’s for any­way.

6/ Very im­por­tant soft­ware

One day you’ll go to open a fa­mil­iar and ex­ceed­ingly cru­cial ap­pli­ca­tion on your lap­top. Could be Mi­crosoft Word, could be Garageband. You’ll scan the dock, short­cuts or “Re­cently Used” lists quickly a cou­ple of times, then again slowly about five times. But it won’t be there. It won’t be any­where. Bloody Cal­cu­la­tor, Stick­ies and Clock will still be present and cor­rect, though, mock­ing you silently from their rarely touched lit­tle squares.

7/ Pass­words

The same old col­lec­tion of let­ters and dig­its you’ve used all your life is sud­denly not strong enough for a new ser­vice. Which means adding an ar­bi­trary num­ber or sym­bol to the end and then for­get­ting it im­me­di­ately for­ever. Of course, rather than click on the most frus­trat­ing op­tion in all of In­ter­net­land – “For­got­ten your pass­word again have you, hmm?” – you de­cide to never use the ser­vice ever again. Sorry, bank.

8/ Ear­buds

When pulled lazily from your pocket, your in-ear head­phones nav­i­gate loose change and keys to fi­nally pop from your jeans with one ear­bud miss­ing. The lit­tle box of spares they came with has long since tum­bled into the abyss, hand in hand with all your cuff­links and drill bits. Right… time to buy a new pair of head­phones.

9/ War­ranties

You hap­pen upon this Im­por­tant Pa­per ev­ery day for two years among files you ac­tu­ally need. Then your TV/blender/ Blue­tooth tooth­brush conks out and it’s gone, leav­ing you search­ing the Pile of Im­por­tant Pa­pers in your study in despair, scream­ing, “It was here! I’ve seen it here!” be­fore ac­cus­ing your part­ner of throw­ing it away. Could your war­ranty re­ally have folded it­self up into a pa­per aero­plane and made a bid for free­dom? You will never know.

10/ Travel adap­tors

The grand­daddy of all lost things. It’s es­ti­mated that in ev­ery house­hold in Aus­tralia you’re al­ways within one foot of a travel adap­tor but, as with suit­case pad­locks, you’ll never ever ac­tu­ally see one out­side of an air­port ter­mi­nal. Ever.

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