GADGET GURU’S MAGIC BOX

Ol’ Uncle Christmas did not have the greatest haul this year. His singular gift under the tree (and this is true) was some unlicensed Skeletor socks, sourced from Temu, through which his 20-grit heels tore within two wears. He bought them himself, just to be clear. Guru doesn’t need recognition, anyway. Just money. And at least once a year he’d rather his technology went to others.

For instance, Guru completely emptied his bank account providing his children with a 1TB Xbox Series S (a stupid mistake, given that Guru Jr will no doubt be demanding a Series X or a PS5 in about three months), and a lime green 256GB Samsung Galaxy A24.

For the cats, the PetCube Bites 2, a camera which also spits out treats that they can’t be bothered to eat. For the dogs, who don’t know the value of money like the cats do, a Hunger for Words Talking Pet Starter Set. Through this programmable paw-pushed button they quickly learned to indicate when it was time for a walk, and subsequently learned that batteries can be removed from things.

Even the local birds, carefully cultivated to visit the garden by Mrs Guru’s ready supply of sunflower hearts and fat balls (tee hee) got a gift: a new Bird Buddy smart bird feeder. Okay, it was really for GaGu’s excellent wife, as she’s interested to see precisely which feathered visitors are garden regulars, beyond the fat pigeon feasting on dropped seed so frequently that he’s stomped the grass flat.

The only person that didn’t get a gift was you, reader. But your gift – as it always has been – is Guru’s sweet words, his answers to your burning questions. And the ability to offer those words to you is his real gift. Isn’t that nice? Now go away.