Detox for a healthy life

A door­mat you are not. Time to ditch that look and slip on some­thing a lit­tle more sassy

Better Homes and Gardens (Australia) - - March Contents -

look, it’s ok to be nice. De­sir­able even. Nice peo­ple are friendly, gen­er­ous, kind, fun to hang out with and all that good stuff. What’s less ok is be­ing ‘too’ nice; there’s a line and once you cross it, things get tricky. LEARN TO PLEASE YOUR­SELF If you’re ‘too nice’ you’re prob­a­bly a per­pet­ual peo­ple pleaser which leaves you vul­ner­a­ble to be­ing fleeced by folk who aren’t nice enough; in other words, they’ll take ad­van­tage of your good na­ture. Nasty.

But what’s the chance you’ve un­wit­tingly cre­ated a rod for your own back? For many of us, the de­sire to be liked and needed is strong. We can come to de­fine our­selves in terms of how much we can give and what we can do for oth­ers, while ne­glect­ing to be gen­er­ous to our own good selves.

Be­ing con­sid­ered so trust­wor­thy and re­li­able that oth­ers feel com­fort­able call­ing you when in need? Great. Feel­ing like a door­mat? Not so great.

IS IT A PROB­LEM?

If you’re walk­ing through the world feel­ing se­cretly re­sent­ful, an­gry or hurt, it’s a prob­lem! If you rou­tinely find your­self mut­ter­ing pas­sive ag­gres­sive com­ments un­der your breath (‘don’t worry about me, I’m fine, you stay right where you are, don’t trou­ble your­self!’) then you’ve gone past nice and are headed to mar­tyr­dom! So yep, a prob­lem.

WHY IS IT SO?

Fear of re­jec­tion, guilt, dis­like of con­fronta­tion, lack of con­fi­dence and low self-es­teem can all be pow­er­ful un­der­ly­ing – but ul­ti­mately self-de­feat­ing – rea­sons why you might bend too far back­wards.

If you can tap into what lies be­neath, you can be­gin to fix it.

Pay at­ten­tion when peo­ple re­act with anger and hos­til­ity to your bound­aries. You have found the edge where their re­spect for you ends UN­KNOWN

NO!

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