Good friend, bad friend

How to tell the difference

two friends meet for coffee. Friend 1, who has gained a few kilos, laments to Friend 2 that she has nothing to wear to an upcoming formal function because she is ‘way too fat’. Friend 1 to Friend 2: ‘So I was thinking, YOU must have something I can borrow, right?’ Friend 2: ‘Um…’

Was Friend 1 just having a momentary lapse of sensitivity? Nope. Fact is, Friend 1 almost never asks how Friend 2 is doing. She has no real idea of what’s going on in her life. During a recent health scare for Friend 2, Friend 1 was AWOL. (So busy! So stressed! So sorry!) Friend 2 however, is the ever-present safety net in Friend 1’s drama-filled soapie. So, no momentary lapse, just self-absorbed business as usual.

THE IMPORTANCE OF GETTING A CLUE!

All take and no give = bad friend. Don’t be that person! Of course, it’s not always so black and white. Our lives are hectic and we’re all guilty of dropping the ball occasionally. The trick is to have a little self-awareness and pick it up again quick smart.

Likewise, if you are the ‘wronged’ friend, don’t be a doormat. A friendship worth its weight should be able to withstand a little truth-telling. If not, reassess.

IT’S A FACT

We need friends – they’re essential for wellbeing. Positive friendships can help add years to your life, speed recovery from illness, reduce risk of depression and even improve mental acuity.

Good friendships add meaning and purpose to life, especially as we age, when connectedness is vital. Sharing everything from the mundane to the momentous, they help shape us, ground us, guide us. They support, celebrate, commiserate and call just to shoot the breeze. They get you, they let you be you. They make you feel loved and valued.

Bad friends, on the other hand, just make you feel like, well, bad!

GOTTA GET AWAY?

Backing away from a friendship that’s gone bad – or simply no longer fits – can sting but sometimes there’s little choice. The upside? You can devote more of your precious time to those who truly make your heart sing.