WE CAN BE HEROES

Cyclists, scourge of society? Actually, we’re a minor-emergency service, argues Rob Ainsley...

Being everyday cyclists, we wear T-shirts rather than club jerseys. But if we did, they’d say ‘Samaritans CC’. Because, as we trundle around, we do good deeds every day.

Mostly when in our home city of York we help lost tourists, frowning at their phone on a corner, 180 degrees from where they thought, wanting the Jorvik Museum but finding only Superdrug. We give them a city cycle map, and a ball of wool if they need to retrace their steps.

Then there’s roadside assistance for infrequent cyclists: we tighten loose V-brakes, tweak mudguards, lend an adaptor linking their Schrader pump to the flat tyre’s Presta valve.

Other interventions have included helping a wheelchair user in a bleak retail park who was stranded on the road by a rogue giant kerb; cars had hooted and passed him. Near the city centre we helped home a bloke on crutches who’d collapsed, disoriented, reacting to medication; maybe passers-by mistook him for a drunk.

Our panniers don’t merely contain multi-tools and stockpiled cartography. There are wet-wipes, paracetamol, plastic bags, survival blanket (possibly overkill), and jelly babies. Medics tell us four – of any flavour – are a good dose for diabetics in a low-sugar attack. If a high-sugar attack, we’re assured, the extra won’t make a difference, so misdiagnosis isn’t critical. It’s a great excuse to carry them, along with chocolate in case of gelatine allergies. Who needs energy gels?

The easiest advice for emergencies is simply to call 999, of course, and you’ll be guided through most situations, just don’t expect much detail on indexing derailleurs. So all you really need to remember is to keep your phone charged.

Still, just in case, we’ve done first aid: chest compressions with those songs you’re supposed to sing to keep the right rhythm. Perhaps the irritation factor of hearing Nellie the Elephant off-key is enough to jolt any cardiac victim back to life, if only to remonstrate with you.

We’ve also familiarised ourselves with those talking defibrillators that now inhabit old red village phone boxes. We just hope the kiosk, should the occasion ever arise, isn’t a miniature library – the other common repurposing – instead. Though we could fill in the minutes waiting for an ambulance by reading a book. You could get through a couple of Dan Browns in that time.

Of course, all this happens because we’re out and about on bikes. Boxed inside a car you’re less likely to notice, and may not be able to stop. But cyclists, open to the world, are more accessible, and accountable.

There’s a rather heart-warming movement called Good Gym. It’s a jogging club with branches in many cities (including, actively, York). Each run includes a good deed: replacing light bulbs, gardening, shopping and so on for people who are infirm, disabled, or just need a bit of friendly help.

So why not a cycling equivalent? Instead of boasting on social media about your 100mile epic, you could boast about cutting someone’s grass en route. There’d soon be a King of the Lawnmowers section on Strava.

We won’t be setting it up though. We do enough good deeds already, not to mention all routine stuff like clearing broken glass, or regularly reporting of potholes and bad cycle infrastructure to the council. Whenever its cycling officer sees us in the street, he hurries away, no doubt to investigate another piece of our helpful feedback.

It isn’t just us. Cyclists are generally public-spirited. Some friends clear litter on daily rides. Others update opensource maps and photos. We’ve seen Dales club runs pull up to rescue a hapless sheep stuck (potentially lethally) on its back.

So it’s time to rewrite that parable about the Samaritan stopping to help the Jewish mugging victim, the two groups being enemies in those days. Now it’s the cyclist stopping to help the Uber driver whose sat nav, befuddled by York’s medieval foot streets, has stranded them on the towpath between boat-toting rowers and psycho geese.

Multiply us by the 1.5m people who cycle every day in Britain, and that’s over 50 good deeds per second. Hooray for us all, cycle superheroes!

We give them a city cycle map, and a ball of wool if they need to retrace their steps