Rob Ainsley
Why fret about going abroad? You can cycle the world right here, says Rob Ainsley...
says there’s lots to love in a staycation
“For encounters with resilient locals coping with no job prospects, ride anywhere outside the Home Counties”
Eventually, finally, at last, I got away for a few days, cycle-camping in the Dales with a friend. It was great. I’d forgotten how beautiful Yorkshire is. I’d also forgotten how to put up my tent. The era of cheap foreign travel may be over until we return to normality, in 2034 or when your campsite has availability, whichever is sooner. But we enjoyed our domestic trip as much as any journey abroad. In Britain we’re lucky to have great scenic and cultural variety. So here’s how you can cycle the world without leaving the UK. Sort of...
Germany: hankering after those splendid riverside paths? The nearest we have is the Thames Path, though if it’s romantic landscape, castles and culture you want, try the Windsor end rather than Dartford. For the echt German experience, do it on an ebike, buy your Sunday morning rolls from a petrol station, and ask someone for the nearest inner-tube vending machine, looking incredulous when you’re told there are none.
France: our passes and cols aren’t as striking as theirs, of course, but then neither are our public service workers. Summit-baggers can enjoy Dales challenges such as Buttertubs, Fleet Moss, Park Rash or Rosedale Chimney. It’s about attitude, not altitude: not as high, but more interesting names.
Italy: the 48 hairpins of Stelvio are in a different league to us. The most bends on any British road probably occur on the Serpentine Road from Rothesay on the Isle of Bute, with seven-ish. Bealach na Bà by Lochcarron in Scotland is about as alpine an ascent as we have, but it does have one record: the sign warning traffic of the climb’s dangers – mentioning learner drivers, caravans and winter – runs to 54 words. In Italy, that’s an opera libretto.
Netherlands: ride the segregated cycleways in central London – Buckingham Palace to Parliament Square, along the Thames to London Bridge, or down Blackfriars Bridge to the Elephant and Castle. Your Dutch chums will be genuinely surprised. ‘What?’ they’ll say, ‘You mean this is as good as it gets here?’
Spain: finding a British substitute for that winter trip to Mallorca or Girona isn’t easy. The Isle of Wight is about as mild as our microclimates get, and can be a pleasant place to ride round. However, the ferry works out more expensive than flying to Spain.
Norway: the epic ride up to the North Cape is renowned. If you wild-camp and picnic using supermarkets, you can do this for as little as £150 a day. Scotland’s west coast is equally epic and campable though, and the odyssey up to Cape Wrath just as much of an achievement. Yes, it has midges, but so does Norway – and Scotland’s sting less. As do the supermarket bills. Cuba: for roads devoid of traffic except 1950s bangers, roam Dumfries & Galloway. For endless flat fields and remote villages, try the Lincolnshire fens on a summer’s day and imagine the sugar-beet is sugar-cane. For encounters with resilient locals coping with a shattered economy, no job prospects and no chance of international travel, ride anywhere outside the Home Counties.
New Zealand: the Kiwis’ clean ’n’ green, smallcountry-big-wilderness feel makes for seductive adventure cycling. Do the wonderful, challenging yet curiously underhyped Welsh End to End (Chepstow or Cardiff to Holyhead, NCN8) and you’ll get a similar vibe. And several off-grid, remote parts of mid-Wales feel 11,000 miles from London.
Canada: the 27,000km Trans-Canada trail spanning the country is now complete. Instead, cycle all 3800km of Scotland’s National Cycle Network. Seven times over. You might then stand a chance of getting at least one dry day without a headwind.
We can dream – one day South Africa, the Japanese End to End, NZ’s Tour Aotearoa. Meanwhile, Britain will do for me. Happy world touring.