Face your fears

We all have them...

Josephine Stafford was eight years old when she woke from a coma feeling terrified and confused. She was diagnosed with type 1, starting an emotional rollercoaster of fears, worries and concerns that would challenge her for the rest of her life.

Josephine, now 44, was initially scared of pain and screamed every time she had a needle. Then she felt anxious about being ostracised at school, as kids called her a drug addict and a “dumb diabetic”.

Her parents didn’t understand diabetes and were preoccupied with their own problems. With no-one to guide her through the everyday challenges of managing the disease, Josephine coped by going into denial. “I spent such a large part of my life not wanting to acknowledge that I had diabetes at all,” she says.

Diabetic Living psychologist Dr Janine Clarke says that fear is a completely normal reaction to a “complex, demanding and unpredictable” condition such as diabetes. Although unpleasant, it’s not always a bad thing, and can prompt you to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe. But when fear and worry start to take over your life and go on for too long, it can cause problems.

“The struggle to control or get rid of fear and anxiety can get in the way of you pursuing things that matter most to you – the things that make your life rich, vital and meaningful,” says Dr Clarke. “When this happens, it can be helpful to learn ways to reduce the impact of anxious thoughts and feelings that will inevitably show up.” Here’s how…

TYPE 2

What scares me… “I was recently diagnosed with type 2, and I’m worried that my boss is going to judge me if I come clean about it.”

Legally, it’s important to note your employer isn’t allowed to discriminate against you because of diabetes, and you are also protected under human rights, disability and workplace relations acts. It’s also important to remember that hiding your type 2 can cause you greater anxiety, or lead to you missing meals or meds, which in turn can have a negative impact on your health and diabetes management.

From an emotional standpoint, Dr Clarke says that although we can’t get rid of negative thoughts about being judged or criticised, we don’t have to let them influence how we live our lives.

“It can be helpful to learn to separate unhelpful thoughts so they’re a bit like background noise, and don’t occupy our full attention and get in the way of the stuff that matters,” she says.

Dr Clarke adds some people find it helps to notice a thought and then say it in the voice of their favourite movie star or cartoon character. “We tend to pay a lot of attention to our thoughts and respond to them as though they are objective truths,” she says. “This strategy can help people have a different relationship with their thoughts and remind us that thoughts are just words.” For others, naming

the thought is a help, so they might say: “Oh, here comes that ‘you deserve to have diabetes’ thought again.”

All of this takes time and practice, but it can help to reduce the hold unhelpful thoughts have on your behaviour.

TYPE 1

What scares me…

“My husband doesn’t seem to care about managing his diabetes at all, which makes me fear for his health.”

While we can influence other people, we can’t change or control them. If your concern for someone else is starting to affect your wellbeing, then it is important to find ways to manage it. This fear is not good for you and it can damage relationships – particularly if you are being perceived as pushing someone around or being judgemental.

You can take action by raising your concern in a compassionate and non-judgemental way, using a lot of “I” statements. You might say “I really care for you and want to help, so is there anything you’d like me to do right now?” Then your loved one has the freedom to say no. Consider getting some counselling, maybe from your GP or another trusted health professional, if you’re struggling to accept that.

GESTATIONAL

What scares me…

“I have gestational diabetes, and am worried that everything I do (or don’t do) is hurting my baby.”

It’s common for people with diabetes to be critical of themselves and beat themselves up, says Dr Clarke, factors that can intensify if you’re having a baby. And being told there is nothing to worry about doesn’t necessarily help. Some people feel distressed that they are worrying because they’ve been told they shouldn’t.

Dr Clarke suggests that when you notice your mind beating you up, it can be helpful to treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you’d show someone else who was struggling. Write a list of the nice things you can do for yourself – maybe going for a walk, having a massage or spending some time at the beach.

It might also help to be aware of the thoughts you are having, and to get clear on whether they are thoughts about things that you can, or can’t, control. “When it is something you can’t control, you can take steps to reduce the impact those thoughts and feelings are having on you and what you are doing,” Dr Clarke says. “Be compassionate with yourself. What would you say to someone else in your shoes?”