Problems? Solved!
Lovelorn, stomped, bewildered, busted? Never fear, the diva is here. DNA’s new advice columnist, Robbyne Kaamil , keeps it real.
HE’S DOWN AND I WANT OUT
Dear Diva, I want to break up with my boyfriend, but he’s in a deep depression. When I tried breaking up, he said I couldn’t “abandon him like garbage on the street” and that he wouldn’t be able to cope without me. Now I feel like I’m a bad person. Run for your life, honey! Your boyfriend is a hot mess. He’s miserable and doesn’t have the balls to make the changes in his own life for the better. You are not his parent or his therapist. You don’t owe him anything. If you stay with him I guarantee that five years from now he’ll be the same sorry ass he is today and by then you will be just as miserable. You deserve to be happy.
THE APPS AREN’T WORKING
Dear Diva, the hook-up apps are serving their purpose – I’m getting sex and wasting a lot of time. I’ve never been desperate to settle down, but I’m not sure how to meet guys more than casually and fear I’ve lost the touch to meet authentically in person. You haven’t lost your touch, you just need to shake off the rust. I gave up booty calls along with drinking years ago because there is nothing worse than waking up next to someone with bad breath, 12 toes and a beer belly. Get out and mingle. Tell all your friends that you’re looking for someone to date. Friends love to play matchmaker. Sometimes we rely so much on technology that we forget the basics of finding love. Invite someone you met off line to dinner and give them your undivided attention on the date. Turn off your phone when you’re with them. Listening can be the sexiest thing you do with your clothes on.
HE’S NO FUN NO MORE
Dear Diva, my best friend has a horrible new boyfriend. We used to do everything together and now I hardly get to see him. When I do, he’s not his usual fun-loving self and has become very codependent. His new boyfriend is very jealous, terribly boring and a snob. I don’t know what to do short of an intervention. How do I get him to come to his senses and ditch the bitch? As adults we sometimes make decisions that everyone doesn’t agree with. As adults we have to live with the consequences of our decisions. As adults we can choose to be with someone who is not worthy of our time. As adults we alone must endure the image we face in the mirror each morning. As adults we are free to make changes if we so desire. As a friend you must respect these choices and let the adult be an adult.
I’M GAY BUT CURIOUS
Dear Diva, I identify as gay, but I’m curious about sex with a woman. Should I indulge this fantasy? I feel like I’d be committing treason. My gay friends would freak out. And where would I find a woman wild enough to have one-off experimental sex? I mean, I’m young attractive, muscled and hung so hopefully she’d have a good time, too. Don’t live your life worrying about what other people t hink. You don’t have to tell t he boys about your fantasies. Everybody’s business is nobody’s business. There are many women who would be open to a onenight stand. If you are young, attractive and hung, you will have no problems f inding a girl who is willing hop on for a quick ride. Just be honest with her about your sexuality because if t he dick is real good, you don’t want her to start planning a wedding. Sign up for OK Cupid or Plenty Of Fish. You won’t f ind f ish on Grindr.
More: Robbyne Kaamil is an actress and a comedian who has matched wits with Howard Stern and can be seen regularly on Here TV. A popular advice diva, she believes “when a motherfucker hates you for telling the truth, he will respect you for doing it.” Find her on Facebook and email your Dear Diva questions: asktheadvicediva@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @TheAdviceDiva