Pour Your HEART OUT
It’s not just the confessions getting sloppy in Puerto Vallarta…
“BUENOS DÍAS!” he announced slurring a bit, revealing to everyone in the packed Puerto Vallarta gay bar that he was not a Spanish speaker. A cute scantily dressed waiter f lew by with a tray full of assorted cocktails correcting him. “Buenas noches!”
“You say noches, I say días. Let’s call the whole thing off !” He laughed a little too hard, pulled out his cell and managed to take a selfie as the waiter walked away, capturing the hot pants that were just barely covering his buns. He sat down on the only available stool at the oblong-shaped bar and noticed that every single patron’s face was glowing – and not because of a hot day of frolicking in the sun. A bartender approached him, “Bienvenidos.” “Pogo tenny una martini…” “Speak English. You’d like a martini?” “Thank you. Vodka, dry, up with a twist.” The bartender winked as the patron looked around at everyone. “Tell me, what are they all doing?” “Grindr.” The man looked at him confused. “It’s an app. It tells you how far away someone is and if you like each others’ profiles, you hook up.” “Hook up? Why don’t they just look up?” The bartender laughed as a gorgeous Mexican boy/man approached, shirtless and wearing hot pants ripped in all the right places. “I’m going on a break but Danny here will take great care of you.” He patted Danny’s twerkable butt and said, “Él quiere un vodka martini.”
“No hay problema,” Danny replied in a thick Spanish accent, as he nodded to the patron and grabbed a bottle of vodka. “Hi Danny,” drooled the out-of-towner. “I recently turned gay. Well, I was always gay but was having sex behind my wife’s back and pretending to be a straight father to my kids. Not to mention all the citizens who voted for me and supported my political career. My former political career. But now that I’m free and a confirmed gay and can approach any man I like, I miss the prowl, the danger, the am-I-gonna-get-caught? I know it all sounds so deprived and…”
“Dirty?” Danny asked, indicating the martini.
“Yes! Oh God, yes. The dirtier, nastier and more reprehensible, the more I’m turned on. But now that I’m living the life of an openly gay man, some of the allure has been lost. It’s such a strange…”
“Twist?” Danny asked as he held up a slice of lemon.
“Yes, it’s a strange twist of fate. Somehow I knew you would understand. Danny, right? Drake O’Connell here.”
Danny smiled creating the most irresistible dimples and poured his drink.
Drake picked up the glass and gulped half of it down. “Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wife and kids and will take good care of them… once I figure out a new career. But in the meantime I thought, what better way to indoctrinate myself completely into my new gay lifestyle than to book a trip here to anything-goes Puerto Vallarta and stay at the all inclusive resort run by… what’s the name of it… they have a gay cruise line too. Oh yes, ASAP Cruises.” Drake inhaled the rest of his drink. Danny pointed to the empty martini glass. “Actually, I’d like to change it up a bit. What mixes well with vodka? How about I go local and have tequila?”
“Tequila?” Danny grabbed a bottle as Drake dribbled on.
“I was in the other room where the guys are dancing and performing. Wow, here they strip all the way down and they have erections. I wondered how they keep them so hard for so long. Well, I went into the bathroom and there was a stripper in there and he took out a syringe and…” “Shot?” Danny asked, holding up a shot glass. “Yes! He shot something into his dick to make it hard. Ouch.” Danny poured the tequila into the glass. “Oh no, sorry. A margarita please.” “Si. Ice?” “Yes, please. The dancer who injected his dick is the hottest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Danny picked up the margarita glass and was about to dip into a bowl of salt. “Rim?”
“Rim him? I’d drink his fucking bathwater! I know, I know. I’m sick. I’m seeing a shrink about this. Well, I think he’s a shrink. But we mostly sit naked in his hot tub and drink booze and one thing leads to another and we have sex and then I leave. After I pay, of course.”
Drake downed his margarita. “I’ve always been in good shape but I’ve learned you’ve gotta have a great body if you want to be an A-list gay. I would never have any extensive work done so I just let them put calf, glute, abdominal and chest implants into me.”
Danny pushed a dish of roasted almonds in front of Drake. “Nuts?”
“No, I didn’t have my nuts done. I’m pretty happy with their size. Hmmm, but now that you mention it.”
Danny pointed to the empty glass and asked, “Fill her?”
“Damn, you can tell I’ve had filler?” Drake touched his face. “They called it Nu Fill but I think they used freakin Land Fill.” “Que?” “Yes, I’m okay. Gonna go into the other room, strip down and take a selfie with one of the dancers and send it out into the ethernet. Danny, it’s been a real pleasure. You’ve been more help than you know.” Drake stumbled a bit as he left a large bundle of cash on the bar. “It’s what my shrink charges.”
“Gracias, señor!” Danny exclaimed as he counted it.
“You deserve it more than he does. Thanks for understanding and letting me pour my heart out.”