DEAR DIVA: AGONY!

not dicked Getting dicked around? Or enough? Diva’s here to help.

If the dick is good, keep him on speed dial when you get an itch, but that is all he’s good for.

Dear Diva, One of my friends is always making negative comments about my clothes, my body and my appearance. He does this when we are alone and when we are with others. Is he secretly jealous of me?

Dear Friend With Shade, News Flash! This shady bitch is not your friend. Real friends lift you up, not tear you down. Real friends are happy for your triumphs and successes. This is an insecure, negative, fucked-up individual. This bitch is like a fast-moving cancer and you need to cut him out of your life.

Dear Diva, I broke up with my boyfriend over 7 years ago. We got back in touch last year and I began to fall in love with him again. He had a girlfriend at the time. He broke up with her and we decided to give us another try. But he still hasn’t told his friends about me and he has been very distant lately. I have decided to end it. I know I should forget him but I can’t seem to lose these feelings I have. What should I do?

Dear Disrespected And Confused, This motherfucker is f ull of shit. He’s using you. He has no respect for you or your feelings. If you don’t mind being his f uck buddy t hen he is t he man for you, but don’t expect him to start picking out china patterns and wallpaper and planning a f uture together. If t he dick is good, you can keep him on speed dial when you get an itch, but t hat’s all he’s good for.

Dear Diva, One of my best friends has been very supportive during my recent break-up. We’ve been friends for over 10 years. I’m starting to develop romantic feelings for him. He’s a great guy and I love having him in my life. Should I pursue this?

Dear Horny For My Friend, If you really value your friendship keep your dick in your pants. If you start fucking and things end badly you could potentially lose a good friend. Good friends are hard to come by. If you have one in your lifetime you have more than your share.

Dear Diva, My boyfriend was killed in a car accident last year. I’m having a very hard time dealing with this. He was the love of my life. I can’t eat or sleep. I don’t know how I’m going to go on.

Dear Lost Love, This is a very difficult time for you and everyone grieves in different ways. If he loved you as much as you loved him he wouldn’t want you in this pain. Get some grief counseling or join a grief support group and take comfort in all those precious memories that you shared with him.