DEAR DIVA’S ADVICE

YOU’VE GOT BIG GAY PROBLEMS… SHE’S GOT STRAIGHT-TALKING ANSWERS!

Dear Diva,

My boyfriend and I went to the club last week and he spent the night flirting with some guy we met there. He ignored me the whole time, and did I mention that I ended up paying for everyone’s cocktails because he forgot his wallet? What should I say to him about this? Dear Club Widow,

Nothing! Bitch, you go to the club to pick up men. You take your man to the club and, for sure, some horny motherfucker is going shake his booty in your man’s face and try to drag him back to his place to fuck his brains out. You go to the club – this is what you can expect. Either get onboard with that or quit whining. If you wanna take your man out in public without him flirting with some drunk ass, try brunch. Dear Diva,

My boyfriend has been so irritable lately. Everything I do or say seems to make him angry. I’m not sure why his behavior has changed. Every day there is an argument. Any suggestions? Dear Irritable Boyfriend Syndrome,

All couples have the occasional disagreement or argument, but every day is too much. You need to have a talk with this motherfucker and find out what’s behind all this animosity. Nobody needs all his drama. Life is too short. Dear Diva,

Some of my friends came to town for a few days and they invited me and my boyfriend to dinner. My boyfriend was too tired to go so I went alone. But he got angry that I went without him. Was I unreasonable to go? Dear Social Butterfly,

Hell, no! What the fuck is your man smoking? Did he expect you to blow off your friends because he was too tired? Boo-fucking-hoo. He’s being ridiculous. News flash: you’re still allowed to socialize with your friends when you’re in a relationship. He doesn’t need to tag along. Maybe he’s pissed at you because he wants to discuss the cause of his tiredness. Maybe things are tough at work or with family. It wouldn’t hurt to ask him. Dear Diva,

I’ve been looking for a meaningful relationship for a while now. I’ve been dating this great guy for several weeks. Things are going well and I really like him. I thought he felt the same about me but he says he prefers an open relationship and isn’t looking to get serious. I’m not sure how to move forward. Dear Mr Meaningful,

You know what? I like this man, too. He’s told you early on what sort of relationship he’s looking for. Better he does that now than six months down the track, right? Have you told him – clearly – what you want? Make sure you do. But if you’re looking for a committed relationship, you probably won’t get it with this motherfucker. Moving forward? Move on!

Bitch, you take your man to the club and some horny motherfucker is going to try to fuck his brains out.