PUT YOUR BEST DICK FORWARD
This month, how to take a better dick pic.
ENOUGH WITH the unsexy nudes, guys. No one wants to see you and your dog in bed sharing a bag of Doritos.
When you’re trying to arrange a hook-up online, first impressions count. The quality of your naked pics can make or break your chances of getting laid. Thankfully, you don’t need to be a DNA cover model to put your best dick forward. Here are some of our best tips on taking better nudes.
Find Your Best Angles. Everyone Has ’Em.
Okay. I’m not saying you’ll look like Chris Hemsworth if you turn your chin a couple of degrees to the right. What I am saying is: in photos, you’re bound to look better in certain poses.
This is going to sound like some A-grade diva bull shit, but I know my butt looks better if I lie down and take a pic of it from over my shoulder. My dick looks bigger if I shoot it from the side. Take the time to figure out which angles work for you, and you’ll always be able to put your best face, dick and arse forward any time you trade pics.
Speaking Of Making Your Dick Look Bigger…
Sometimes nudes don’t do a penis justice. Take a pic from the wrong angle and suddenly you lose a couple of inches.
Avoid taking photos of your peen from above. Instead, lie on your back and shoot it from an angle. The closer your dick is to your belly button, the bigger it will appear in the photo.
Trimming your pubes and pulling your balls away from your erection can also make your cock look bigger.
If you’re packing serious heat and you want to show off how big your dong is, go ahead and take a pic of it alongside an inanimate object for comparison. Just try and find an object that’s relatively sexy. A ruler? Sure. A toilet paper roll? Nah.
Think Twice About Sending Hole Pics
Look, buttholes are wonderful. They deserve to be eaten, fucked and worshipped all day long, but it’s rare that you come across a tasteful hole pic. And receiving an unsolicited hole pic is a poor substitute for the experience of having a lovely butthole park itself on your face.
Rather than send pics of your butthole to your next potential suitor, keep them to yourself. You can dazzle your next hook-up with your award-winning asshole when you bang in person.
My butt looks better if I lie down and take a pic of it from over my shoulder. My dick looks bigger if I shoot it from the side. Figure out which angles work for you.
Get Rid Of Those Doilies On The Coffee Table
Ever heard of the website LuridDigs. com? Check it out. It’s a hilarious, cunty blog that critiques the interior design featured in the background of gay nudes. If you thought that paisley bedspreads, floral feature walls, and emerald pleather couches were a thing of the past, think again.
The moral of the story here is: don’t share nudes that are at risk of getting featured on LuridDigs.com. Whether you like it or not, guys are also going to judge you based on what’s in the background of your nudes. Clean up that huge pile of laundry and close the fucking toilet lid before you take a bathroom selfie.
Keep ’Em Fresh
This should go without saying, but your nudes need to be updated on the regular. If there’s been a change in your appearance or your current pics are 10 years old, it’s time to take a new batch.
This isn’t the sexiest tip, but it’s practical. Share nudes that reflect who you are, and you’ll attract guys who want to eat what you’re serving up. Plus, you’ll avoid having the door closed in your face next time you rock up to your next hook-up.