CASE STUDY #5:

“Using the app I started feeling I wasn’t good enough, attractive, masculine or young enough – that no one wanted me.”

– Jay, single, social work team manager

When did you last use a dating app?

The last time I used Grindr was months ago when I thought I could use it for a quick hook-up. It turned out I couldn’t put my phone down and was sending and looking for messages and likes for the next 12 hours, in fact, until early hours of the morning, and I never even met anyone. Initially I thought I could use Grindr since I hadn’t used it for six months prior to this occasion and am in a 12-step recovery. I thought I’d now gotten the insight into my addictive behaviour, but soon realised my sex addiction was very much alive again while using the app.

What made you stop using them?

My addictive behaviour was being played out while using the app and I soon started feeling I wasn’t good enough, attractive, masculine or young enough to meet other gay men – that no one wanted me. I started to feel worthless and this is usually a trigger for using drugs. I realised if I continued using the app I’d end up with someone using drugs and relapse. I consequently deleted the app and I haven’t installed it since. I am now 13 months clean from all drugs and alcohol.

How did you use them in the past?

I’d use them causing unmanageable behaviour. In particular, I’d become obsessed using the apps and unable to focus on day-to-day life and meeting others in normal social situations. I’d constantly be looking for validation via the apps and when I didn’t get it I’d use drugs to make me feel better about myself. Once high on drugs I’d engage in all sorts of unsafe sexual behaviour and place myself in dangerous situations.