THE SECRET PERKS OF SINGLE PEOPLE
Not everyone wants a relationship. There’s a lot of joy to single life that’s unseen.
>> moving to another country or taking a job in another city; and that means zero stress or guilt over making a “selfish” decision. Being single is the perfect time to accept that fabulous overseas job offer.
It’s often said that, “Hell is other people’s children,” well, it’s also your partner’s hateful cousin or that pious sister who thinks you perverted her brother. While partnered people endure rather than celebrate Christmas Day, singles are enjoying the day with their real friends at an “orphans Christmas”, which sounds sad, but, which party would you rather be at?
The same applies to travelling solo. Singles can pack an overnight bag and fly inter-city to the theatre or a concert or a sports event on a whim – for the weekend. There’s no waiting around for a partner’s time to free up so you can go together. There’s no need to synchronise annual leave, or put off taking the trip of a lifetime to accommodate a partner’s busy work schedule.
As a travelling single guy, your itinerary, excursions and activities are entirely up to you. Plus, you will almost certainly meet more new people alone than with a partner. Locals are more curious about solo travellers than couples or groups, and making deeper connections with the locals can give a better appreciation of the place you’re visiting.
The same principle also applies to sex. As a couple, your sex life is pretty much determined by what you have mutually agreed is your bedroom repertoire. This may have just evolved over time, or it may have been negotiated but, either way, it requires both parties to have come to some sort of accord about your shared sex life and what happens in it. There is, of course, room to negotiate within a couple but, for a single, the options are considerably wider.
Imagine you want to indulge or experiment with a particular kink. A partner may not find it a turn-on, may refuse flat-out to play along, and may subconsciously make a judgement. If that kink is, for example, water sports, or role play, or sex in public, it may be something that your partner just does not feel comfortable with – no matter how much he loves you and wants to make you happy. So, either that kink is never explored, or it’s done under duress and with some embarrassment.
Not so for a single. Want someone to pee on you? Simply open an app and find a willing participant. Want someone to pretend to be your boss and spank you? Done! Want to meet on the overpass for an outdoor quicky? Too easy! It might be difficult to introduce a partner to your fetish or kink, and it may also set a precedent, when all you really wanted was a one-off experiment.
Sexual adventurism is one thing, but what about intimacy? Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you won’t experience intimacy or have regular partners to quench your various and particular thirsts. Loving someone doesn’t always mean expressing it sexually and, on the other hand, moments of very deep sexual intimacy can be shared with a casual one-off contact if a strong connection is made.
In fact, a single guy can go weeks without sex if he feels like it and no one will ask for explanations because they have hurt feelings or feel rejected. He can crash on a friend’s couch if he feels like it without having to worry that someone might be jealous over a platonic friendship.
Speaking of a partner’s fragile ego… Have you ever felt guilty for taking care of yourself because your other half might feel neglected? For example, you skipped the gym because your other half “needed” you. You left the party before you wanted to because your partner was tired. You didn’t see the movie you wanted to see because he wanted to see something else. Mr Single probably doesn’t remember the last time he had to make such a compromise.
Couples are constantly managing the feelings and expectations of their partner and pre
If Mr Single wants to explore a new fetish he simply needs to open an app to find willing participants.
empting what could go wrong – and it’s taxing. Your truth is only as good as the interpretation of your partner, who often sees the same situation through the lens of his own fears and insecurities. An un-partnered guy can come home tired and stressed and crash without having to take into consideration that his partner may also be tired and stress, may want to talk, may want a back rub, may want sex, may want something for dinner that’s totally not what he feel like.
So it could be argued that being single is less stressful, but it’s probably safe to assume that it also increases confidence and resilience. Your mistakes are your own, and the more you deal with your own shit, alone, the better you become at it and develop greater independence.
Independence and resilience are favourable qualities for those who are, or wish to be, career oriented. Your emotional and physical energy is finite. Dealing with a toxic relationship can spill over into your career and tarnish it.
If you take too much time building a relationship, you may see that promotion pass you by. Compromise is rarely a quality of people who want that promotion.
Millenials are leading the charge here. NitroCollege.com says, “Millennials have been called lazy, entitled, selfish and demanding but despite accusations that they’re ruining the modern workforce, more young people today are making sacrifices for their careers than they may get credit for.”
Yes, millennials are ready to stay single or break-up with their significant other to build a career and try to make the world a better place.
But how did we learn to romanticise relationships and fear being single?
Being in a “happily ever after” couple has been socially romanticised for a long time. It was Plato who first observed that humans were four-legged and double-sexed who were later sliced into halves so that they may not threaten the gods.
Mythology aside, everyday language has normalised relationships as a prerequisite for anyone to be “complete”. Words and phrases such as “other half”, “better half”, “soul mate”, “the one” and “love conquers all” emphasise this. The contemporary ideal of “having it all” alludes to achieving both a successful career and a happy marriage.
This obsession with lifelong romantic/sexual love around which people need to organise their lives was explained at length in a book entitled Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality And The Law.
Closer to home, marriage equality wins for the LGBTIQA+ community has seen us not only inherit these values, but take to the streets to fight for our right to them! According to the US Supreme Court, marriage equality allows same-sex couples not to live in loneliness, be included in an important social institution, and have equal dignity. And let’s not even mention that, like a lot of little girls, a lot of gay men are obsessed with Disney princesses.
In other words, people who are not in traditional relationships are seen as failures, deviants or misfits. Despite this overly romantic view of relationships, history has thoroughly documented dysfunctional marriages, including biblical ones. Yet, religion is the proponent of marriage and monogamy par excellence. Harems, concubinages, mistresses, prostitution, men on the downlow and “cheating” are also as old as time, and yet these are not considered compatible with healthy “traditional relationships”.
Even the nouns used to describe single people are heavily laden with inuendo and judgement. A man of a certain age can be a “respectable” bachelor, but to describe a man as a “confirmed” bachelor is to insinuate that he’s gay. It’s even worse for women. The recently coined “bachelorette” suggests someone vivacious and sexy – but the more traditional word “spinster” implies an old woman, “past her prime” and “left on the shelf”.
The social pressure to be coupled is so compelling that it’s common for people to stay in unhappy relationships because they are terrified of being single – even if that’s a better option than being in a damaging mismatch.
As always, though, the gays rewriting the rules to suit ourselves – observe the rise of the throuple, and the always-popular open relationship. Yes, greedy couples taking more than their fair share! Which begs the question: if your relationship isn’t giving you everything your desire in life, maybe being single will. •
Question:
If your relationship isn’t giving you everything that you desire in life, maybe being single will…