Man flu and other health stuff
THE Macquarie Dictionary definition of ‘man flu’ is “a minor cold contracted by a man who proceeds to exaggerate the symptoms enormously”.
Sweeping the world on a pandemic scale, it’s a wonder the World Health Authority hasn’t called for mandatory vaccinations.
To confirm if you or your male patient has genuine symptoms, there’s now a dedicated website called manflu.info.
According to the website, the shocking truth is the condition is “a crippling and debilitating disorder indiscriminately striking down male members of the human species without warning”.
“The illness is often referred to pejoratively by female members of the species, who are in fact immune from the illness, as Man Flu is now known to exclusively attack the XY chromosome carrier.
“If Man Flu is kind enough not to kill the infected party, it will definitely leave him weak, sick, hurting everywhere and in dire need of TLC.”
TLC, or tender loving care, is sadly not available on the PBS (Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme) and if the carer of the afflicted is female, you’d want to hope she doesn’t have PMS (Pre-menstrual Syndrome).
According to manflu.info: “Medical professionals now also widely recognise that self-diagnosis by the sufferer is the best means of identification as the symptoms of Man Flu are far more severe than the simple common cold which predominantly targets the XX chromosome holders (i.e. females).
“This goes some way to explain the cynicism some women display towards their male counterparts.”
If that cynicism refers to verbal therapies from women, such as, “Oh, just get on with it,” then the site’s response is that extensive research has proven the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend/ wife/partner.
While mollycoddling will not cure Man Flu, it will remove the patient’s fear of the frighteningly lonely experience. Aaaawwww. A page on the site outlining the woman’s role as carer is eye-candied with a rather incongruous young female dressed in nurse’s attire fit for a stripper (but very PG).
If the female carer can’t identify with that content, she will at the very least recognise the suggestion that sarcastic references directed at the recovering victim could render a relapse and are therefore best silenced.
“He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested to him prior to being tasked with household tasks).” Pffffffft!! Genuine men’s health issues, like prostate cancer, heart disease, stroke awareness, mental health and more, should however be taken very, very seriously.
We can laugh about Man Flu because it isn’t life-threatening. No. It isn’t. But so many health conditions men do face are genuinely frightening and no laughing matter.
Talking about them is the key. Ask the men in your life if they are really okay. When was the last time they had a wellness check?