if you knew it took your skin 30 days to recover from one night’s drinking, would you quit?

Sure, the headache and nausea are bad, but it’s the effect a hangover has on your complexion that’s really sickening.

Sometimes, when I was drinking, my skin would look good. The next morning, my complexion would boast a fetching plumpness and my lips would be pertly swollen. And, given how these things so often pan out, I might have had a post-coital glow. I came to regard this as a pickled prettiness.

“Wow,” I’d think. “Things could be a lot worse.” Give it a couple of hours and they invariably were. The plumpness would give way to a bloated greyness, my pout deflated into bleeding cracks, a parched yet acne-threatening stubble rash emerged and jet rings set in around my hollowed eyes. And it happens for a reason, says Dr Jairo Rodriguez, New York-based nutritionist to the fashion pack. “Alcohol is one of the worst, most aggressive compounds in destroying your skin. I always joke with patients, ‘If you want to look older, go ahead and drink!’” Only, the older a boozer gets, the less funny this is.

London-based dermatologist Dr Michael Prager says alcohol is basically sugar, with more kilojoules. “Sugar causes glycosylation (the attachment of sugars to proteins), ageing cells and tissues through higher levels of insulin, changes in the DNA and tissue oxidisation,” he explains. “This impacts upon cells in a multitude of ways: it can cause free-radical damage, and reduce cell proliferation and collagen production, slowing everything down.” And if you think it can’t get

worse: “Alcohol is also a diuretic – it dehydrates you. You absorb nutrients less successfully and crave salt. In women it changes their hormones, creating higher levels of testosterone, leading to things such as spots, a bloated face and hair loss.” Nice.

Prager sips green tea even when at London’s Dukes Bar, home to one of the world’s best martinis. “So many women in their thirties ask for my advice about ageing,” he says. “I point out that drink is sabotaging their looks. Then, in their forties, they come back in a panic. There are things I can do [Prager is known as the ‘Karl Lagerfeld of injectables’], but the damage is done.”

According to La-based dermatologist Dr Harold Lancer, complexion guru to Scarlett Johansson, Victoria Beckham and Kim Kardashian, it can take our skin up to a month to get over a single hangover. “When you have a hormonal jolt caused by a binge fest – let’s say a night of salt, carbohydrates and alcohol – it’ll take about 30 days for that to calm down,” he says, adding: “Celebrities don’t have chefs to control their weight – they have them to control their skin. When they’re filming, there is zero alcohol. Does this mean you can’t periodically have a glass of red wine? No. It means you can’t have three glasses.” Meanwhile, he says of the traditional post-drinking fry-up: “You might as well paint blemishes on your face.”

Personally, after a lifetime of resplendent carousing, I stopped drinking two years ago because I couldn’t sleep. Then I realised I had an alcohol problem. However, the only thing other people noticed was the effect on my skin. Despite drinking “only” the half bottle a night that many women consider normal – more, obviously, when I was on a roll – the impact was huge.

For my first week on the wagon, I was a not-so-hot mess: red-faced, spots sprouting, my nose shiny with detoxing gunk. I got conjunctivitis, my tongue was permanently furred and my eyelashes fell out. But compliments about my skin started pouring in after seven days. By day 10, I was happy to answer the door sans makeup. Two weeks in, my cheekbones looked supermodel sharp. Three days later, a man at a party mistook me for 19 (19!) years younger. After a month, I glowed, my face had lost its booze bloat and even my nails were stronger. And in six weeks, I ditched the five kilos I had put on after a spectacularly boozy summer.

At this point, I happened to run into Prager, who took one look at me and said, “My God, you’ve stopped drinking!” Renouncing the mother’s ruin was the best thing I’ve ever done for my appearance. Other than hopping into a time machine and preventing a lifetime of sun exposure, nothing is ever going to have the same impact. No serum, no facial, no superfood (sorry).

Going on the wagon may be standard in La La Land, but for anyone else without a multimillion-dollar movie contract, it may be viewed as a puritanical move too far. If you’re not interested in the cold turkey cut- off, then go easy on the binging (the liver can handle one drink per evening, not seven) and arm yourself with an arsenal of skin-saving products.

London-based dermatologist Dr Sam Bunting, heroine of Youtube channel Dr Sam In The City, says, “However excessive the night, try to remove makeup, even if that means micellar water on a cotton pad. Then use a retinoid, which will lessen the effects of alcohol by stimulating skin to renew and repair, leading to a brighter, glowier complexion than you deserve.”

Come morning, it’s – not surprisingly – all about hydration. “Apply a moisturising sheet mask – the occlusion effect encourages the ingredients to penetrate more effectively,” Bunting says. “If used straight from the fridge, it’ll have the added benefit of reducing redness. Keep makeup light and dewy, apply brightening eye drops and you may just get away with it.” And don’t neglect the skin below your chin – slather limbs in a soothing body butter to further combat dehydration.

My personal kit – based on 30 years’ hard partying – featured water, liver-easing milk thistle tablets and face wipes by the bed in the hope I had some motor control. The next morning, I’d whisk my trusty Clarisonic Aria over my skin, plus Bobbi Brown’s Soothing Cleansing Oil. If this was too much effort, I’d apply a mask of Origins Never A Dull Moment Skin-brightening Face Polisher With Fruit Extracts – the fruit enzymes exfoliate even if you lack the energy to scrub. I’d then deploy a Sisley Eye Contour Mask for a hydration hit. Guerlain’s Midnight Secret Late Night Recovery Treatment – “sleep in a bottle” – worked its magic, although I used it premakeup, not the night before. Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector supplied faux dewiness, panda eyes were concealed with Bobbi’s Brown Creamy Concealer and lip balm was always at hand.

While most hangovers beckon a greasy cheeseburger, red meat should be avoided, as should excess caffeine, which further dehydrates. Coconut water, which is rich in electrolytes, will help with skin repair, while Bunting favours wholegrain toast and honey as her morning-after restorative (the fructose helps the body break down the alcohol). She also proposes “an antioxidant-rich green juice with spinach, stomach-settling ginger and vitamin A-rich carrots”. And, no, you’re not allowed a vodka shot in that.