message received
The psychology of turning on read receipts.
“Turning read receipts on let him know I was seeing his apologies, but not giving anything back. It drove him crazy”
There’s a Buzzfeed quiz that asks, “Are your texting habits actually weird?” (of course there is). It asks questions ranging from reply time to how you articulate “okay”. About halfway through, it asks, “Read receipts on or off?” with two answers as an option: “I leave ’em on, cuz why the hell not?” and “I’m not the devil”. It’s a perfect example of the consensus that read receipts – up there with wearing white to a wedding or telling your friend Kälteen Bars help you lose weight – are an evil power play. The question is, when it comes to dating and “text game”, are they a savvy or shoot-yourself-in-the-foot kind of strategy?
We all know a tardy texter, maybe it’s a friend, lover, co-worker, or maybe you’re the dirtbag with the slow response rate. In a world of instant gratification, being ghosted hurts, as does watching the ellipsis bubble pop up and then disappear. Read receipts take it to another level; getting a time stamp as proof of receipt with no reply sucks. They might be busy, sure. But that’s the headfuck, isn’t it? It’s a move that says, “You’re not that important to me right now to warrant an immediate response” – and there’s the game.
“Initially, I turned them on to piss off my ex-boyfriend,” says Marie, a 33-year-old read-receipt enthusiast. “While I was overseas, I found out he had cheated on me. There was nothing I could do in person, so turning them on let him know I was seeing his apologies, but not giving anything back. It definitely drove him crazy.” Marie (now single) says the option serves a different purpose these days. “If you’re straight with people, you can be a little bit more polarising, but it’s easier to figure out who’s attracted to you and who’s not. So, most of the time, I use them to be up-front, let someone know they have my attention.” In saying that, she adds, “It’s also easier to throw in a bit of game, if I think I’m being messed with.”
“I like to be fast with responses in the beginning, get some banter going and then go AWOL for a few hours,” says Ashley, 28, single and a chronic read-receipt user. “But I always open the message within 30 minutes of receiving it.” She admits this sets up a false sense of security and keeps the guy’s ego in check (“Particularly if he’s asking me out on a date”). And she swears by this game’s ability to make men chase her harder. “I will say, though, that I can’t handle it when a guy has them turned on and uses them back at me.”
Activate your read receipts and you have the ability to strong-arm a conversation. It says, “I’m interested in what you have to say... but not enough to put my life/netflix on hold while I reply.” It does have its disadvantages, though. You could be building your own prison by the necessity of a quick-draw response (but for those who are just genuinely bad at replying in a timely manner, this technique could help you become a more responsible texter). And what’s to stop the other person playing you right back? Your laissez-faire approach might make them want to try harder, be wittier or date you all the more, but you’ll have to be willing to cop a return receipt should the move ricochet.
If you’re comfortable with showing your hand (or being seen as a shady strategist), by all means go for the big read reveal. But just be aware that we get back what we give out, and that’s not always the most comfortable place to perch. Besides, if you’re not getting the results you want, iphones have another great feature: Block.