HOW WIDE IS YOUR SPHERE OF INFLUENCE?

In the middle of a major life change, Laura Collins is on a quest to better understand herself and others

By the time you read this, I’ll have packed up my house, kissed my mother goodbye and flown halfway around the world to call the Netherlands my new home. I don’t have a job, an apartment or a bank account there, and I’m not 21, so the idea of bunking in a hostel while I “figure it out” makes my skin crawl – as does the thought of having to make new friends and the prospect of earning minimum wage at a cafe (not to be confused with a “coffee shop”). I’m determined to set up my new life with the confidence and capability of a fully functioning adult. A life change as significant as this encourages one to step back and take stock: what kind of person am I? Is it different to the person I’d like to be? How do I feel about my relationships? How do I win over that rental agent/new boss/bicyclerepair guy? Turning to the only thing cheaper than a psychologist, these three new-release books claim they can help me find answers in the midst of my navel-gazing.

The Influential Mind: What The Brain Reveals About Our Power To Change Others BY TALI SHAROT ($32.99, HACHETTE)

Neuroscientist and author THE SELL: Sharot believes our ability to influence others is dependent on how the emotional parts of the brain are wired, rather than a person’s ability to recite compelling climatechange facts or give an impassioned speech as to why Baby One More Time was Britney’s best album.

There are few FIRST IMPRESSION: things as annoying as a difference of opinion – from politics to deciding on what to order for dinner, most of us are attached to our beliefs and winning an argument often comes only when we take an emotional approach (so I’m prepared to play the homesick card any time my boyfriend and I disagree over the next few months). This is the kind of book I’ll read twice, then lend to a friend – if they promise not to use it against me.

If you’re SHOULD YOU READ IT? in constant combat with someone, reading this book could turn things around. But beyond that, Sharot suggests you use your new-found power for good by looking inward – are your biased opinions making you the impossible one? Being more open-minded could make you a better person.

Taming Toxic People: The Science Of Identifying & Dealing With Psychopaths At Work & At Home BY DAVID GILLESPIE ($32.99, PAN MACMILLAN)

Gillespie, also the author of the anti-sugar THE SELL: bestseller Sweet Poison, believes up to 10 per cent of people are probably psychopathic. Charming, impulsive and narcissistic, they can leave us feeling cheated and humiliated, even questioning our own sanity.

Gillespie wastes no time in throwing FIRST IMPRESSION: the word “psychopath” around. Yes, I’ve come across plenty of toxic people, but psychopaths? It feels judge-y. Gillespie says he’s using the word in a non-scientific sense – the way I might call my sister a psychopath in an argument over Netflix, not in the way Olivia Benson describes a perp. He goes into a lot of detail about what

“A LIFE CHANGE ENCOURAGES ONE TO STEP BACK AND TAKE STOCK: WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I?”

to look for in a psychopath, which gets a little boring, but also... friends and bosses have duped me in the past, and that was before I had to deal with a language barrier.

Some parts feel more SHOULD YOU READ IT? like a history lesson than tangible advice but once we get to the action, I’m hooked. Did you know psychopaths are great one-on-one because they’re experts at reading you, but are no good in groups? It’s why the person you suspect as the “work psycho” never goes to drinks. If you feel taken advantage of by people who seem to be missing a sensitivity chip, read this book.

The Four Tendencies BY GRETCHEN RUBIN ($32.99, HACHETTE)

Delving deeper into her exploration of human THE SELL: nature, Rubin’s book centres around the question, “How do I respond to expectations?” The writer posits that, based on your answer, you’ll fall into one of four personality-type categories: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger or Rebel.

Like Rubin, I’m fascinated FIRST IMPRESSION: by the way people can be grouped using personality-type schemes like Myers-briggs or the Big Five, and without even doing the quiz, I know I’m an Obliger. We’re super reliable – we’ll get shit done even if it means staying back until midnight – but when setting internal goals without outer accountability from a boss or loved one, we’re basically guaranteed to fail.

In the hope of better understanding SHOULD YOU READ IT? my actions as well as those of the people around me, this book has become my manual. After exploring each tendency in detail, Rubin offers a practical takeaway: figure out whether your colleague is an Upholder or a Rebel and it’ll be easier to predict how they’ll behave. It’s like Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs, but more legit.