ask e jean

Tormented? Driven witless? Fear not, help is just a short letter away

CHAINED REACTION

DEAR E JEAN, I’ve started dating a wonderful man. He has a great job, a wicked sense of humour and a cute smile, and he treats me with respect and dignity. We met through a mutual friend and have been going strong for a month. We haven’t been intimate yet, but while we were cuddling in his bed the other night, we started discussing our sexual histories. All of a sudden, he pulls up a chain with handcuffs on my side of the bed and says, “I have to tell you – I love being tied up.” If we didn’t have the lights off, he would have been able to see the shock on my face. Handcuffs – they were just so... there. I’m not a prude. But I’m not in a place right now to escape my sexual comfort zone. Do I continue the relationship if this makes me feel so uncomfortable? – Not Ready For Fifty Shades NOT READY, MY RHODODENDRON Though the eminent members of the Advice Columnist Whips & Chains Committee will conceive the vilest opinion of me – I mean, have you ever read an advice column that didn’t urge a correspondent to “experiment”? – I say to hell with it. If you don’t want to handcuff the chap, don’t do it. He seems to be a good man, patient and respectful. So tell him if he promises not to pester you, you may come around in time and go so far as to allow him to escort you to a screening of the Leonardo Dicaprio handcuff scene in Titanic.

FEAR FACTORING

DEAR E JEAN, I can’t speak about this to anyone – not my business partner, and not even my wonderful, supportive husband. We’ve been together eight years, he’s father to my two girls, and we all adore him. It’s about my company. I’m a biophysicist with a physics PHD who went into engineering, and from engineering into project management, and from there into being the co-founder and CEO of a small company. All is going well. I’ve managed to negotiate three contracts that have put us on the map. A large energy firm is now looking to invest in us, and I’m so afraid I’ll fail.

Everyone thinks of me as being so strong, but I’m secretly terrified that I’ll fail my business partner, my team and my family. I’m so afraid of the future – afraid I can’t measure up to what is expected in business, afraid I’m not tough enough! I’m plagued with uncertainty: am I strong enough for this job? I don’t know. It’s starting to slow me down and cloud my judgement. I need some help to overcome this. – Troubled Mad Scientist TROUBLED, MY TULIP First, get some sleep. Open the windows, let in the stars and roll up in the pillows with the husband. You’re running a start-up. I get it. It’s a badge of honour not to get sleep. But I recognise all the signs – clouded judgement, “terror” at failing... You need to get some damn rest!

According to Dr Martha Yanci Torres of the Mayo Clinic, sleep improves memory, sharpens the mind, reduces anxiety and beefs up judgement. I find it also boosts chutzpah and creativity, and – next to Revlon’s magnificent lipstick shade Toast Of New York – a snooze is one of the most delicious beauty products on the market. So while you’re sleeping, I’ll draw up a list of what you should and should not be afraid of, okay?

THINGS YOU SHOULD BE AFRAID OF:

• Picking up a copy of Pride And Prejudice and discovering it’s Lydia Bennet who ends up marrying Mr Darcy.

• Running into your old school boyfriend when your hair looks like an Abraham Lincoln wig. • Victoria’s Secret models – when their wings start flapping.

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID OF:

• Saying “I don’t know”.

• Succeeding.

• Being a little paranoid. (Every woman wonders if she is “strong enough”.)

• Changing your mind.

• Failing.

• Sending the kids to two matinees with a babysitter and taking a five-hour nap.

• Failing again. You’re a scientist, Tulip, old girl. No need to remind you – you, of all people! – that nearly every major