SELF-CARE SPECIAL
When Hillary Clinton admitted she turned to yoga and chardonnay to weather the bruising shock of her presidential defeat, she proved that no-one is too important to see the value of self-care. In that spirit, we investigate other ways to pay yourself a li
It’s time to make yourself (and your wellbeing) a priority.
SETBACKS STING.
Whether they’re the tiny, private defeats of dashed hopes or the big missed opportunities that become torturous what-ifs, moving on requires a stiff upper lip when yours is feeling wobbly. The good news is that coping is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger your instincts become. While no-one ever savours disappointment, you can learn to manage it – and to draw lessons from your negative experiences so you emerge from the other side with thicker skin. On this theme, we asked five determined women how they overcome adversity: their rituals, mantras and lessons learnt.
SARAH WOOD CO-FOUNDER AND CEO OF UNRULY
Before going into anything, I smile at myself in the mirror. I’m a big fan of my reflection: when I smile at it, it always smiles back! My eight-year-old daughter has a similar ritual. If she has a difficult thing coming up, she looks at herself really intently and says, “You’ve got this, Sunday!” So I’ll often look in the mirror and say, “You’ve got this!” Or say it to other people when they need encouragement. I also make sure my inner voice is kind. I treat myself as my own best friend. If I’m being hard on myself, I think, “What would I say to my best friend in this situation?” I wouldn’t say, “Oh, you fool, you muppet. How could you do that? What were you thinking?” I’d say, “Okay, never mind. It’s not the end of the world. Don’t worry about it. Don’t beat yourself up.” Being kind to yourself is so important for getting through hard times. We’re often our own worst enemies.
BOZOMA SAINT JOHN CHIEF BRAND OFFICER AT UBER
Years ago, in a performance review, a male executive told me I needed to “hit more home runs”. It was extremely tough to hear, because that year was one of my best professional years ever, and I helped make history at the company. I also had the results to prove it. Now, I keep a baseball bat in my office to remind myself that, when I hit home runs, I need to showcase and celebrate them so there’s no mistake come next performance review. I also make it a priority to take time for myself, to reset and reflect after being disappointed at work. I’ve learnt it’s okay (maybe even necessary) to get emotional. Cry it out, be frustrated, yell! I’ll call my girlfriends to talk it out – or I’ll even talk about it with my eight-year-old daughter Lael, who gives the best pep talks and advice. Every woman should have their feel-good activities and a squad to remind them they’re a bad-ass. I get my nails done, and I have a weakness for bags. I live down the street from my mum, so we’ll have a spa day together. I took a trip to Morocco to celebrate my best friend’s 40th birthday. There’s always a new day and a new challenge ahead, and it’s so important to take care of yourself first so you can be the best colleague at work, too.
MAYA JAMA TV PRESENTER AND HOST OF THE PODCAST WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU MELONS
If I don’t wake up on the right side of the bed, I’ll list everything I’m grateful for. For example, I have a house, a nice job I enjoy, good friends, my family are healthy... And by the end I usually feel better. I also talk myself out of a bad mood if I can – work out why I feel the way I feel, and what I can do to change that. Or if I can’t do anything, then how long am I going to let myself wallow? I try to coach my mind – which works half the time! I think positive thoughts bring positive things. I’m very conscious of when I’m thinking bad stuff and try to train myself out of that thought process.
MARTHA ORTIZ GOURMET CHEF AT LONDON’S ELLA CANTA
I think women more than men have to show that we can do a lot of things; I work all day in the kitchen, and I have 110 employees to look after. I give a lot of hours to my kitchen. The first restaurant I ran had to close. Can you imagine losing your work of 10 years? A friend came to my house. I was crying and said, “I’ve lost everything.” And she said, “You haven’t lost anything – you have it in your soul. It’s in you, not outside of you.” That was beautiful advice: if you have created once, you can do it again. Now, I cope in a strange way: I go to my kitchen and have a big spoon of mole negro [a classic Mexican sauce]. The moment that flavour goes through me, I feel the power of Mexico. I feel the power in me. I feel it will bring the power of these ingredients to my blood, to my soul. It changes me.
LEANDRA MEDINE FOUNDER OF MAN REPELLER
In 2016 I lost a pregnancy at 14 weeks. It was the most difficult experience I’ve been confronted with. I started yoga and meditation and even tried hypnosis and acupuncture – essentially, anything I had read about that could help temper grief. But to be honest, nothing really worked until I forced myself to really, really reflect inward. Some days that meant literally talking to myself, entertaining the negative voices but challenging them with logic. Other days, it was as simple as giving myself permission to abandon my daily routine: skip a workout class, avoid an encounter I didn’t want to be in. The tension between being hard on myself and cutting myself some slack was key. It’s become an integral part of how I talk to and treat myself. What I have found is that seeking outward help to cope only works for me for so long. If you really want to let a wound breathe before you stitch it up, you’ve got to do some tedious mental work.