IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS...

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognise what makes you happy” – so said Lucille Ball (who also gets the quote on the spine of this issue, one of my favourite things about the new-look ELLE). We’ve been hearing a lot about self-care these past couple of years (see our story “U OK, Hun” on p84). There’s a general agreement that we need it now more than ever, as a counter to our rightful rage, this universal anxiety. I agree with it, in theory. There’s undeniable merit in the self-care techniques we hear about all the time: exercise, meditation, sleep, massages, bubble baths, veganism... These are all things I believe in and have no doubt would improve my wellbeing and make me happier in the long run. But in reality, making them happen only adds to my to-do list and gives me more mental arsenal to beat myself over the head with. And, anyway, if I had time every day to exercise and meditate and get massaged and work out how to cook vegan meals that aren’t just pasta with olive oil and salt and take a bubble bath before a perfect 10 hours’ sleep, of course I’d be happier – I’d be Oprah.

For most of us, a complete lifestyle change is unrealistic, but easier cures like a day at a spa or other temporary self-care tropes are hardly going to be enough to temper the constant undercurrent of foreboding we’ve become used to living with in 2018 (although a Tami Taylor pouring of pinot and a Netflix binge isn’t completely useless). More helpful, I think, is strategically finding ways to add more small joys to your life. For me, that includes always having a holiday booked well in advance so that I have both a light at the end of the tunnel and all the proven benefits of anticipation for as long as possible, acknowledging when my brain needs a break from all that relentless podcast learning and allowing myself to just listen to music instead, and gifting myself the odd mental-health day of lying in bed and watching something with absolutely no current talkability or usefulness (like, say, the Heroes Vs Villains season of Survivor US from 2010). Navel-gazing as a self-care technique is terribly underrated.

What speaks to me even more is self-care as selfcompassion – the idea that it’s less about bubble baths and more about being psychologically kinder to ourselves by reining in the negative self-talk (I don’t know about yours, but my inner critic is a merciless judge and, frankly, a bit of an a-hole), forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and failures, anticipating when we might start to feel overwhelmed or overcommitted and doing what we need to avoid that, occasionally hiding Instagram deep in an unnamed folder on page 4 of your apps when you know you’re in that emotional place, and – what I personally consider the ultimate act of self-love – taking off your bra the minute you walk in your front door.