Ask e jean
Tormented? Driven witless? Fear not, help is just a short letter away
THE PAPER CHASE
I’m a young, very low-paid journalist at a newspaper. My boss is temperamental and goes back and forth between complimenting my work and screaming at me. My editor-in-chief is aloof and doesn’t interact with the journalists much. The only good part of my job is my boyfriend. He’s a fellow journalist, and we’ve been dating for six months. Our relationship is great. We work really well together in and out of the office, and I’m so happy with him. He doesn’t like our boss either, but he wants to stay for a while longer because he wants to get a good recommendation from our EIC. So he’s going to put in his time.
The thing is, he’s not financially independent from his parents yet, and I am. I’m paying for all my own living expenses and I’m approaching a point where I can no longer afford to work for this paper. I already know a raise is out of the question – there are a couple of senior reporters who have been at the paper for years who are just as badly paid. I’ve hit rock bottom financially. I want to leave and find a better position, probably in another city, but part of me wants to hold out a little longer and stay with my boyfriend until he’s ready to leave, too. I’m in love with him, but I’m always broke! Should I stay with my dead-end job to be with someone who could be the love of my life until we can leave together? Or should I put my career first and leave town without him? – CAREER GIRL IN LOVE Career, my cumquat Bah! Stop yammering about love. Give the editor-in-chief 10 items of proof that your reporting is increasing readership – damn the senior reporters – and ask for the raise. And keep capturing readers and asking for the raise until you get it. This is how you solve your problem – by taking action. Not by holding yourself back for a man.
Meanwhile, begin interviewing with other papers, magazines and media companies. Many people beat their breasts wondering why women – as smart and talented as men are – are so lowly represented in business leadership positions. I never beat my breast. I never wonder. I’ve read your letter, Miss Career Girl, and I know. It’s contained in your question: “Should I stay with my dead-end job to be with someone who could be the love of my life?” The “love of your life” could fall for someone new, become a chef, return to his studies or make any of 100 other moves. By waiting around for him, you’re chaining yourself to his victories and defeats. Stand up! Give yourself as much freedom to be successful as you’re giving him. That is the real test of love – and its tragedy.
THE VACATIONERS
I recently moved to a beautiful and, unfortunately, popular spot for tourists, and now friends (and friends of friends) are constantly visiting. I’ve ended up paying for their parking, their petrol, their laundry powder, their groceries. They don’t even seem interested in me or how I’m doing; they just drop their bags, dirty my fresh towels and borrow my car! How do I accept visitors into my new home without ending up as their personal valet service? – THE TOURIST ATTRACTION Attraction, my iris When I lived in Ennis, Montana, that is, “the fly-fishing capital of the world”, a spot in the Rockies so sublime that carloads of acquaintances would roar up the driveway and burst in on our slow-paced tranquillity unannounced, Steve and I – Steve was one of my early husbands – kept two big suitcases by the front door. Whenever a station wagon packed with pals showed up, we’d greet them with a hearty “Lovely seeing you! How fantastic you look! We’re just leaving,” whereupon we’d lock the door behind us and, loading the bags into our car, quickly back out of the driveway. And then we’d go someplace marvellous for the day. Try it.
Or if your “friends of friends” text, call or email ahead, you can do the old “Oh, fabulous. Great. Wonderful. Splendid. Meet me at the Green Parrot at 7pm sharp!” dodge. You then see them for a friendly drink, and that’s it. You do not invite them to your digs. You do not loan your car. You do not pick up the tab. If they ask to stay, tell them, “I’d adore it, but I’m in the middle of a special project.” (No need to say the project is your own blessed solitude.) Of course, if one of the visitors is very beautiful, you may take him or her in the car to a high mountaintop and make out in the moonlight, but only if you have plenty of gas.