YOUNG GUNS
Fast-track your way to toned arms.
THE REALISATION WE’RE GETTING OLD(ER) hits in surprising ways. For me, it was noticing that I hadn’t listened to any new music since Taylor Swift’s 1989. Also that I was sexually active the year some of my colleagues were born (meaning I could literally be their mother). And then there was realising that I’d subconsciously refused to wear tops or dresses without a sleeve for more than a year. Because while the rest of me was fine – I’m comfortable with my smile lines and most of my body appears pretty much as it always has (as long as I’m in the right light and squinting) – my arms knew exactly how old they were. And while a little tummy can be concealed, or a booty celebrated, chunky arms are no-one’s friend. Particularly fashion’s.
In the past, there wasn’t a lot you could do about bingo wings, no matter how much you watched your diet and exercised. That fat is more stubborn than Donald Trump in the face of climate change. The surgical option, liposuction seemed excessive and required a lot of downtime. The fact I couldn’t wear spaghetti straps bothered me, but not that much. It was during a chance conversation with Dr Joseph Ajaka from Sydney’s Cosmos Clinic that I started to think I could have viable options that weren’t a cardigan. “That little pocket of fat at the back of your arm? We can get rid of that easily,” he commented confidently, after listening to my body woes.
Cosmos Clinic is a Sydney beauty treatment mecca, with a long list of celebrity and influencer clients, thanks to Dr Ajaka and his team’s charismatic, social media-friendly approach. (Warning: if you’re the kind of person who loves Dr Pimple Popper, it’s way too easy to get lost for hours watching the Cosmos team work on a Brazilian butt lift on Instagram). They also happen to be one of the biggest users of Vaser Liposuction in the country.
A gentler form of traditional lipo, Vaser Liposuction utilises ultrasound technology to loosen and soften fat before removing it, greatly minimising the chances of bruising, dimpling and excessive pain. Instead of aggressive tugging, the melted fat is removed with gentle suction. And Vaser differentiates targeted fat from other important tissues, leaving nerves, blood vessels and connective tissue untouched for smooth results and quicker healing. Quietly terrified but convinced by the image of myself in an Albus Lumen summer dress, I signed up. After so much internal turmoil in the lead up, the day in question felt almost anti-climactic, more like a dentist’s appointment than a surgical procedure. Performed under twilight sedation (another pro: lipo usually requires general anaesthesia), I have vague memories of being mesmerised by watching the drip bags fill up with my own fat (clearly, I’m one of those Dr Pimple Popper fans) and rambling to the surgical team about Albus Lumen.
The procedure itself took less than an hour, and after another couple in recovery, I literally walked out (albeit leaning on the arms of a friendly nurse) down the road to a nearby hotel to wait for my husband to finish work and look after me for the night. Recovery involved regular lymphatic drainage massages (not as pleasant as they sound) and six weeks in a post-surgical garment, which for me was the hardest part about the whole procedure. Soon enough, though, the garment (I burned it afterwards) was replaced by that Albus Lumen. The cardigans are gone. The Taylor Swift tracks, though? They’re not going anywhere.
Vaser Liposuction,
Starting at $4,000, cosmosclinic.com.au
“IN THE PAST, THERE WASN’T A LOT YOU COULD DO ABOUT BINGO WINGS”